Last week in my Sunday School class, we were discussing how
amazing it is that we often don’t know what God has waiting for us when we
choose to obey Him. It is usually far
more than we would have asked for, but often very different from what we
expect.
No Eye has seen, no
ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love
Him. I Cor 2:9
Often times, we think only of the pain or discomfort of
sacrifice to our ego or our desire to please self. We have no idea how good we will feel when we
yield and obey.
A man in our class gave a beautifully simple and profound
example of this in his life. He
announced that he will be receiving his 25-year sober chip from AA this
week. He said that when he first went to
AA, he was in the habit of stealing. He
had no guilt or remorse about it. His
friends had talked to him about it, but he didn’t really want to change. When he went to a convenience store, he would
pay for one thing and steal another, i.e., pay for a soda and steal a candy
bar. He rationalized that the store was
basically breaking even by his visit. He
was also in the habit of stealing all of his clothing. He would go into a dressing room and put his
clothes on over the clothes that he was stealing.
While going through the steps in AA, he decided to actually
pay for his clothes for a change. He
said that when he went to pay at the register, he was able to look the clerk in
the eye for the first time. He received
a receipt and a bag. It felt good walking
out of the store with the bag and the receipt!
He walked past a police officer and was able to relax and hold his head
up. He had no idea how good that would
feel.
His sponsor asked him to make a list of all of the things he
had stolen. He made a very long list and
felt that he was able to remember everything.
When he handed the list to his sponsor, he began to cry. He said to his sponsor, “I don’t even know
why I am crying.” His sponsor replied,
“You are crying because this isn’t Who You Want To Be.”
He didn’t steal after that.
He said he had no idea what he was missing by not doing the right
thing.
How many of us can identify with that? What habits do we have that we want to
change? What behaviors do we exhibit
that reflect a person who isn’t Who We Want To Be? Maybe, just maybe, we have underestimated the
rewards of self-denial. Maybe we have yet to experience
the benefits of change.
I have never regretted yielding any area of my life to
God. He always surprises me with more
that I expect or deserve. Sometimes when
I ask for things, He says “No” or “Wait.”
Waiting is hard. But taking
matters in to my own hands in areas where He has said “wait” results in
settling for less than He would have chosen for me. He gives me a choice. I am thankful for that, but I should know by
now that His ways are better. I do
struggle, daily, with choices that are less than best for me in some areas of
my life. If I didn’t, I guess I wouldn’t be so aware of
my need for Him.
Choosing God’s way…waiting when He says “wait” can be
painful. It tests my faith. But you know else it does? It smooths out the rough edges in my life. It builds maturity. It strengthens my resolve.
Do people on their deathbeds ever wish they had given God
less? I doubt it. Not if they are of sound mind. What kind of legacy do I want to leave?
I am getting the same messages lately from different
sources. Have you ever noticed that
happening? I know that when that
happens, God is trying to tell me something.
It is in my best interest to listen-up.
My niece, Erin, babysits my dear friend Cheryl’s young
daughter, Claire. Last week, Claire
asked Erin why she didn’t have a
boyfriend. Erin
told her that she is waiting for God to bring her a boyfriend. Claire didn’t seem satisfied with that
answer. Erin
then asked her, “Have you ever asked for something and not gotten it?” Claire perked up and said yes! She wanted a motorized scooter badly but she
got a bike instead. However, she loves
the bike even better that she'd have liked the scooter.
Erin took advantage of this teachable
moment to explain that she is waiting for God to give her a “bicycle.”
Me, as well. I’ve
been waiting for a wonderful “bicycle” for a long time. In fact, I have done everything I can think
of in my power to get it but nothing has proved fruitful for me. I have speed-dated, spent years in Christian
singles groups, years in Match.com and also joined Eharmony. I don’t regret those choices. I gave it the old college try, so to speak,
but I keep coming back to what I believe to be true, “ I have asked God for His
best for me, and His best for me is to remain single or wait.”
Once, when I was meeting a match.com date for lunch, I was
going through chemo for ovarian cancer.
As such, I had donned a wig, drawn on my eyebrows, and glued on false
eyelashes. It sounds awful, but I was
feeling sassy in my wig and I looked kinda cute, if I do say so myself. When I went to shake my date’s hand at the
table, I felt something tickling my cheek.
I excused myself and went into the ladies room. When I looked in the mirror, I saw one set of
false eyelashes dangling down onto my cheekbone. I had to rip the other set off as I did not
have glue with me and I returned to the table eyelashless.
 |
| With my Sassy Wig but no Eyelashes... |
Claire must have heard me tell this story. She told Erin, "Aunt Janice almost had a boyfriend once, but her eyelashes fell off."
I love that! I will have to talk with Claire one day and explain that my eyelashes have little to do with why I do not have a boyfriend. It does make for a good story, though, doesn't it?
During this process of waiting, I have also become more
aware that there is no perfect “bicycle.”
Nor do I have perfection to offer.
My responsibility is to continue to grow in spiritual and emotional
health, first to honor God and second to honor myself and others. In doing so, I am more ready to receive
whatever God has for me, even if that is remaining single. It's not the fate-worse-than-death that I once thought it to be. I love my life and it is good.
Last Sunday was my final forty-something birthday. I am frankly shocked to find myself facing
50. Where did the time go? All those things I heard from elders all
my life are coming true…you truly wake up one day and time is rushing by. Or it seems that way.
I take comfort in trusting God and I take comfort in the
fact that I am still changing. A couple
of things happened over the weekend which were out of my control and not what I
would have chosen. Not big things, but
things that I might have counted big at one time in my life. I rolled with it all and enjoyed my birthday
thoroughly. Afterwards, I reflected and
realized how much I have changed. I am
thankful that I do have choices in my life.
I am not a victim of circumstance.
I have choices over some circumstances and over some I do not, but I can
always choose thankfulness and peace. I
can choose to enjoy my life.
I have thought about the story the man shared in Sunday
School several times this week. I have
asked myself the question, “Is This Who I Want to Be?” It has helped me to make some good
decisions. It has helped me to be aware
that I am making decisions whether I realize it or not. Some decisions are by default, and those are often not the best. I'd like to be more intentional.
I want to be who God created me to be. I am still figuring that out. But I am getting closer.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
Now unto Him who is
able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power
that is work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus
throughout all generations, for ever and ever!
Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21
