Dreams and Crossroads

I dreamed about a tape measure last night.  My dad was still alive, and I was buying him a Christmas present.

He was hard to buy for...a simple man who was happiest walking in the very field you see pictured above. I wanted to give him something other than the usual socks or underwear.  I found this unique tape measure, in my dream, which was actually two tape measures side by side.  I thought he could use it in his little shop/workbench in the basement.  It was sold with other crafty type stuff included in the box, similar to things I had seen in the nooks and crannies of his work table.  I also got him a paperback novel, which Mom scolded me about, "You know he can't read anymore!"  Okay, I thought in my dream, I won't give him the book.  The double tape measure will be enough.

I woke up, dream so vivid, and I asked God what it meant.  I may let you know when He reveals it. I have learned that often God will let me know what He wants me to know when I ask...it just usually isn't immediate.  

I will hear His voice when I am walking or blow-drying my hair or driving.  It will hit me all-of-the-sudden. I have learned to pay attention.  It is not an audible voice, but a strong thought that hits my mind and heart at the same time.  

So, I don't yet know what He wants to tell me from my dream.  There is also the possibility that the dream is about my subconscious-self speaking to me, revealing what my heart believes is true.  That is good information to have as well.

Once, many years ago, I had a dream about going to church in my bathrobe and curlers.  I was sitting near the front, and on this particular Sunday, the pews moved and revolved so that everyone saw me and I felt embarrassed and woefully unprepared for worship.  

I asked God, when I woke up, what the dream meant.  I was sure it was from Him.  I was frustrated when He did not answer immediately.

But then, hours later, as I opened my mouth to sing in the worship service, the meaning hit me suddenly and clearly...it was like a "whoosh!"  

I sensed God speaking, "Janice, you would never come to church physically unprepared...you always look your best.  How many times have you come to church spiritually and emotionally prepared?  How do you prepare your heart for worship?"

That was a revelation.  That was a call to respond.  During that season of my life, I started to attend a prayer meeting early in the morning before church.  I sensed that I needed to pray before I attended the service, to prepare as much internally as I always did externally.

When God asks something specific of me and I KNOW it, I have a choice.  I have a choice to obey or not. To whom much is given, much is required.  (Reading the Bible is life-changing but loaded...once I know His will and His plan, I am faced with decisions.)  Sure, if I choose not to do as He asks, I can be forgiven. But that forgiveness did not come cheap to God.  Ask Him about Jesus.

My holiness is not dependent on my righteousness, it is based on Christ's righteousness.  It is based on accepting and knowing that it is only because of Jesus that I am "saved."

But...walking with God is a relationship.  It is an opportunity to grow deeper in love with Him and to grow into maturity and into a life-that-is-truly-life.  An opportunity to become who I was created to be.  THAT cannot happen without obedience.

We face this crossroad daily, those of us who call ourselves Christian.  We have forks in the road where we get to choose to obey or to do our own thing.  Sometimes we feel that we are getting away with something when we say no to God and know that He still loves us and forgives us.  But we are lying to ourselves.  And even though there is no escaping God's love, there is also no escaping some of the consequences of disobedience.

It is true that He loves us more than we can know.  He will forgive us if we repent, but we are not getting away with anything...we are cheating ourselves out of the life that we were created to live.  When we say "no" to God, we deny ourselves deeper intimacy with our Creator.  We stifle our own spritual growth and growth as human beings.  

Saying "yes" can be painful and require sacrifice.  But the joy...the joy and peace is SO worth it.  

I'm not gonna lie and say I've learned my lesson.  I will still say "no" to God at times...I am human and I am selfish and I struggle to say "yes."  My desire is to learn to say "Yes!" more and more so that the "no's" are fleeting.  

With each "yes" I am stepping closer to His heart.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me..."  

John 10:27 KJV

When Is It More Lonely to Be With Someone Than to Be Alone?

This video is being passed around on Facebook...which is kind of ironic, given the subject matter.  What do you think about it?

Note: This video is on You Tube (click here).  If you cannot see it on your smartphone, please check it out from your computer.  It truly is worth a watch.

Look Up Video by Gary Turk

I like it.  I confess, I have been guilty of being the one "looking down."  I have also found myself sitting next to someone who was the one "looking down."  It was a lonely experience. 

I have been told, over the years, that there is no more lonely place than to be in a marriage and feel isolated.  I imagine that is true.  I am thankful that I have not experienced that kind of loneliness.

Have you ever felt lonely in a crowded room?  I have.  And yet, I took a trip overseas by myself and I did not feel lonely.  Why is that?  Perhaps it has to with expectations and focus.

When I traveled to Italy solo in 2008, I knew that I would be alone much of the time.  I embraced it and I prepared myself for it.  It was a wonderful adventure in which I felt satisfied just being with myself and my God.  I reveled in the triumph of it, really.

My travels were in the days before Facebook for me.  I was able to get to an Internet kiosk every so often and send a letter home to friends and family.  The letters are included at the beginning of this Blog, Travelling Solo.  Sometimes, there would be replies waiting for me.  This communication was valuable for me and reminded me that I had people thinking of me and rooting for me back home.  I was thousands of miles away but we still connected on some level.  I guess I wasn't really alone at all.

The times I have felt terribly lonely in a room full of people were times when I did not feel connected to anyone in the room at that moment...times when I felt insignificant.  Times when I was believing lies in my head that said, "No one cares that I am here."  Or, "Everyone else is having more fun than me." Kind of self-absorbed, wasn't I?

I am learning a lot about myself.  Some good things and some not-so-great things.  Information is power.  

I have learned to ask myself an important question, "What do I need?"  The answer is not always the same.  If I put myself in a room full of people when I am sensing the need to be alone, I will not thrive.  I may offend someone.  I won't be the best conversationalist and I may leave feeling more empty and alone than when I arrived.

Conversely, sometimes I need to be around a group of people.  I feel energized in the company of people whom I value.  There is an energy in the room that I pick up within myself.  It's a bonus when I can laugh with others. Laughter is a medicine which my soul craves.  Sometimes I need to be with people so that I am reminded that I am not alone.

I am so grateful for the many friends and loved ones in my life who share moments and memories with me.  I value our conversations and our pondering.  I treasure the times we have laughed together, yes, even when it is at my expense.  Life is rich because of you.

My Friend

Sometimes I hear God 

through the thoughts He plants in my mind

in response to my earnest prayers.

Sometimes I hear Him through your voice.

Sometimes it seems that I am laying in God's 

strong hand at night...

like my mattress is the cushions of His hand.

Sometimes I feel Him through your arms.

Sometimes I see God in the clouds on a sunny day,

or in a breathtaking view of mountains 

or an ocean that spans infinity.

Sometimes I see Him in your eyes.

Sometimes I feel understood by God

through reading His timeless Word

and sitting before Him in silence.

Sometimes I feel understood because you listen.

                                                  JKL 5-7-14