Sunday, December 29, 2013

He is Jealous for Me

Click on the link below and listen as you read.  This is sung by the author of the song, John Mark McMillan...(most familiar version is sung by David Crowder).  For the poignant story behind the song, click HERE.



Did you know that He is jealous for you?  He is jealous for your affection...for my affection.  That we would have no other gods before Him.  

Gods with a little "g" can be anything or anyone that we would worship with time, talent, money, sacrifice...anything all-consuming that we would put before God.  

He's not jealous in a worldly way...jealous like a abusive husband or unreasonable friend.  He is righteously jealous because He alone is worthy of our worship and devotion.  

This song has helped me to understand His jealous love in a new way.  It's a beautiful, pure love...a love that gives all unto death...a love that bends me and pushes me out of my comfort zone...a love that blesses me beyond my expectations and a love that dares to say "no" to me.  A love that denies me of things I cry for because He knows what I really need...He knows the rest of the story.  His jealous love is worthy of trust.  And complete devotion.

At times in my life I have felt completely broken...broken after the end of a dream or relationship...heart-sick, even.  One of those times, a friend wisely advised me to lean into God like a palm tree leans into the wind.  This song says he loves like a hurricane.  It feels like that sometimes. 

When I yield my "will" and lean in, something beautiful happens.  The winds die down.  The storm passes.  And I am left seemingly with "limbs that are bent but beautiful and often on the ground...but alive."  Not just alive, but with my knees and heart bent and yielded, I become more like who I was created to be...and that is a good thing.

Those bent palm trees by the shore...they know how to bend with the wind.  They aren't in danger of being snapped in half.  They know to yield.  I have learned with experience the same...I am much better off to yield my will and say "yes" to whatever God asks of me. 

It's not nearly as frightening as it used to be...I love that He is jealous for me.  Who else loves me like that?  Who else can I trust blindly with my life? Who else laid down His life, that I might live? 

..if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking...
...so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest...I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...

Maybe you feel like running away.  Maybe you know in your heart you just don't love God like that...that you can never love this jealous God.  Don't give up on yourself.  Ask Him today to plant faith in you. Ask Him to show you His love in a tangible way and keep your eyes and ears open.  He is jealous for you.  He won't leave you alone until you are His. 


...Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with god something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross.  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.   
Philippians 2:6-11

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Are you from Rowley Regis?

I see on Google Analytics that there is someone from a little town in England called Rowley Regis reading this Blog.

Whomever you are--Hello and Welcome!  

I am so curious about you.

I looked up your town on Wikipedia and the Parish Church there is named St. Giles!

There is a wonderful church here in Charlotte, NC called St. Giles.  How amazing!  

Please write a comment and say hello.  If you are shy, tell me not to post it and only I will see it.

I am finding that Blogging is a wonderful way to make friends all over the world.  Very cool...

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Christmas Coffee with God




So I woke up this morning feeling unsettled and tired.  I had planned to go to the 8:30 service at church...there are lots of things to do today.  I enjoyed a Christmas party last night and there is one at lunch time today with some dear girlfriends.

I peeked at Facebook, as I always do when I am still lying in bed.  Our new Youth Pastor, Devin Tharp, had posted this:

"The loud boisterous noises of the world make us deaf to the soft, gentle, and loving voice of God."   Henri Nouwen

Yes!  That is what I am feeling during the bustle of the Christmas season.  Isn't it ironic that a time of year when we are supposed to be celebrating God's greatest gift to us...Himself...we become distracted from Him in our celebrating?  How can that be?

The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.  "Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was and earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.  I Kings 19:11-12

Why does God choose to speak in the still, small voice?  Why is He in the gentle whisper?

I think it is because He wants us to seek Him with our whole hearts, not with distracted hearts.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  Jeremiah 29:13

What do you need to do today to make room for Him in your heart?  How will you make time for "the soft, gentle, and loving voice of God?"

Me...I am having coffee with God.

Listen as you spend time with Him...







Saturday, December 14, 2013

Love Isn't All You Need




Sometimes love isn't enough.  

Here are some famous lies about love:

  • Love means never having to say you're sorry.  
  • If I love him enough, he will change.

Remember the famous line in the movie, "Love Story," Love means never having to say you're sorry?  Does anyone really believe that?  Love means learning to die to one's self.  Love is wonderful and incredibly hard sometimes.  Love means having to say you are sorry again and again...love sometimes means wounding the other person...and receiving wounds.

I am not an expert on love.  I am trying to figure it out.  I would love to find a Christian man with whom to share my life and ministry.  Here are a few tidbits of wisdom I have gleaned on my journey.  Feel free to share yours in the comments at the end.  Maybe we can help each other!

1.  I need to be open to change.  Never mind about finding the "perfect" person (as far as I know, the only perfect person who has ever walked this earth is Jesus).  And never mind about finding the "almost" perfect person and trying to change him. What is most important is that I work on changing me.  

2.  I need to know myself.  What are my strengths and weaknesses?  What do I enjoy and what would I like to avoid?  Do I have patterns in relationships that seem to repeat themselves?  Is there a type of person who brings out the best/worst in me?  What is my primary Love Language?

3.  I am not looking for my other "half."  I am a whole person who is looking for another whole person.  I am not half-of-a-person waiting to be completed.  Oh, there's another famous movie line, You complete me.  

4.  Laughter is Medicine for Soul.  Sometimes the search for love can be intense and serious...I don't want to make a mistake.  I want to "get it right."  When it's all said and done, enjoying someones company and laughing together goes a long way.  From what I have observed in the marriages of my friends and family, being best friends and enjoying each other's company is a strong foundation.

5.  Lust and Love are not the same thing.  I think it is important for the attraction to be mutual, however, sometimes the strongest physical attraction doesn't make for the best romance.  The intensity of lust will fade over time.  Is there a foundation of shared faith, mutual respect, shared interests, and pure enjoyment of being together?

6.  Personal boundaries must be respected.  It is healthy to have personal boundaries.  I am suspect if I meet a man who seems to have none.  I run away if he doesn't respect my boundaries.  One huge boundary for me is that I will not engage in premarital sex.  I call it "practicing faithfulness."  I am being faithful to God, to myself, and to my future husband.  If a potential partner cannot appreciate this, then he is not someone who should pursue me.  I don't just want my boundary to be tolerated, I want it to be appreciated.  Doesn't he ultimately want a wife who has proved her faithfulness to him even before he met her?  If he doesn't, he is not the man for me.

7.  It is a deal breaker if he does not hunger for God.  Life is hard.  As we get older, it seems to get harder.  I need a man I can "lean on" in the hard times.  If he is leaning on God, I can lean on him.  The most important relationship in my life is my relationship with God.  He is my touchstone.  He is my all in all.  A man must share this with me.  He can't just give lip service to being a Christian...I need to hear him pray...I need to see him walk with God.  

Okay, I'm sure there are many other things I could say here, but seven seems like a good number for now.  What do you think?  Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts.


1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Although this was written with my younger friends in mind, this applies to older single friends, too, including me!  This is not about a marriage break-up...marriage is a covenant relationship ordained by God.  I don't pretend to know the heartache or complexities involved with the dissolution of a marriage. My experience is limited to dating relationships...and, as I am a Christian woman, I have written from the perspective of relationships with men.  



Breaking up is hard to do.

The beginning of a new relationship can be exciting and intoxicating.  The other person can seem like a "perfect" match.  He likes me; check!  I like him; check! We laugh together; check!  We share similar interests; check!  He says he loves God, too!  Big Check!

What could possibly go wrong?

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  Proverbs 4:23

In the midst of the fun and excitement of a new relationship it is important to keep eyes and ears open and the heart slightly guarded.  No matter how much you may try to convince yourself otherwise, the truth remains that it takes time to really get to know someone.  It will take time to figure out if this relationship has potential for a lifetime.

How much time?  That is hard to say.  Enough time for you to really get to know each other and see each other's strengths and weaknesses.  Enough time for each of you to seek God and determine, independent of each other, that this seems right.  Enough time for him to meet your peeps and for you to meet his: friends, family, loved ones. All should have a relatively good feeling about the two of you together.  If they do not, try to listen with an open mind. Sometimes friends and family see things that we are blinded to because of our deep affection for the other person. (They do say love is blind!)  All of this takes T-I-M-E.  If any flags arise, any hints that something may be wrong...don't dismiss them.  Keep them in mind while enjoying getting to know him.  See him in different settings and in different seasons. Do you trust him to make wise decisions? Does he act compulsively or does he take time to make important decisions?  Does he pray and seek God's will for his life?  Is he emotionally healthy?  Does he honor you and help you to protect your purity/boundaries or does he pressure you to have sex with him?  If the latter, does he "really" love God or is he just giving lip service? Actions speak louder than words.  How you observe him living his life will tell you more about him than the words that come out of his mouth.    

I still haven't found "the one" for me.  I am not sure that I believe that there is just one...but I do believe I have freedom of choice in regards to relationships within the parameters that God has laid out in scripture. This blogger sums it up nicely...click here.

What I really want to talk about here is "Breaking Up."  No matter how old I get or how much wisdom I think I have gained, one thing never changes...just like the old song says--Breaking Up Is Hard to Do!

Here are a few things that I have learned over the years:

1.  The more physically intimate we were, the harder to break-up.  Sex was meant to be reserved for marriage.  The Bible talks about two becoming one...this is more than just a physical union.  I think most Christians agree on this.  Okay, no sex--then what is permissible?  

"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything.  I Cor 6:12

...The body is not meant for sexual immorality , but for the Lord...  I Cor 6:13

...Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.  Do you not know that your your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.  I Cor 6:18-20

Some things may be permissible for me, but not beneficial.  I know myself pretty well.  I have learned that I need strong boundaries in order to have a healthy dating relationship.  Kissing is wonderful and fun; however, for me--kissing means "I love you."  Even when I have tried in the past to kiss "just for fun," it really didn't work that way for me. It fostered a false sense of intimacy and made me more committed than I should have been.  It made it harder to break-up when I knew that it was inevitable.  Additionally, it made sexual temptation that much stronger.  Instead of running away from temptation, I felt that I was running toward it.  For these reasons---to be true to my heart and respectful, I have set a boundary in regards to kissing.  I don't want to kiss on the lips until we both can say "I love you."  Not, I love you like I love ice cream, but I love you and I have a level of commitment to you.  

You may feel differently about this.  That is okay.  This is a boundary that I feel I need.  Each person should prayerfully consider what is best in light of his/her own conscience and understanding of scripture.

2.  A cooling off period is needed before attempting a friendship.  Yes, it is possible to become friends with someone I have previously dated, but it doesn't come easily or naturally at first.  I need a cooling off period.  I need time to get over my affections, to break the familiar habits that are "more than friends." Attempting a friendship too soon usually results in regressing into the default patterns of deeper relationship and then having to break-up all over again.  This prolongs the inevitable and makes the break-up more emotionally draining.  It also wastes time...time that could be better spent.

3.  It is best to cut off all communication for a season.   This one is much harder to do if the break-up is with a co-worker or a member of the same church.  I have found it best to limit or, if possible, eliminate all conversation or contact for a long while.  It took time to develop the strong feelings of "more than friendship" and it will take time to get over the familiar feelings.  It is natural to continue to feel affection for a former boyfriend even when I know that it was not a wise or a healthy relationship for me.  You probably know women who continued to go back to abusive relationships.  Even when emotional or physical abuse is involved, there will almost always be a temptation to go back to the familiar.  This attachment has to be broken through separation, time, and prayer.

4.  Praying for a former boyfriend may need to cease.  This may sound harsh, but hear me out.  If feelings are not dissipating and the relationship was particularly toxic, he needs to be off of your prayer list for the immediate future.  Enlist trusted friends to pray for him so that you can stop and know that he is being covered in prayer.  Prayer involves expending emotional energy...it can be bonding.  While attempting to break the emotional bond of a former relationship, prayer for that person may need to cease in your life for a season.  You must get to the place where you no longer feel attached...you are not responsible for his life and you are especially not responsible for his happiness. You are responsible for yourself and your relationship with God.  You are responsible for your happiness.

5.  Keep a short list handy of the reasons the relationship ended.  As time passes, it sometimes becomes easy to remember the good things (that are increasingly missed) and to forget the bad things or the "warning signs" that initiated the break-up.  You may be two terrific people who are toxic for each other.  Or maybe it wasn't toxic..maybe you just weren't compatible for a lifelong commitment.  In either case, remembering why helps prevent going back.  Going back into the relationship because you forgot why it ended is not prudent.  Why waste time and energy?

Or maybe he initiated the break-up.  If so, there is your answer.  You cannot make someone love you. You are not desperate.  You are not a beggar.  You want to be with someone who will love and appreciate you.  Don't spend energy pining for someone who cannot or will not love you.  Trust God to bring someone into your life who can and will love you.

6.  Practice Grace...receive it and give it.  (This has been a hard one for me but I am getting better at it.)  Don't beat yourself up!  Don't beat-up the other person, either!  Dating is about discovering if you are a match for a lifetime. Unless you marry the first person you date, there are going to be times when you discover the answer is "no."  If you have sinned, confess it to God and to the other person and receive forgiveness. Maybe you did nothing wrong...maybe you did everything "right" but it just wasn't the best for you. That is okay.  What did you learn about relationships?  What did you learn about yourself?  These are good things to keep with you.  These are gifts. Nothing is wasted...

7.  Press on and keep your eyes on Jesus.  

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of for me. Phil 3:12

...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  Phil 3:13-14

As with any goal in life, I must press on.  Yes, my goal with a small "g" is getting married.  I do desire a husband with whom to share life's joys and sorrows.  But my Goal with a big "G" is to live a life worthy of the calling of Jesus.  My relationships with potential suitors either foster this or they do not. If not, I must move on and fix my eyes on Jesus.  Ultimately I will stand before Him when this life is over.  Even if my once-thought-of worst case scenario happens, and I do not marry in this life, I will be a bride one day.  I will participate in the wedding feast of the Lamb.  And perhaps, I will have another jewel in my crown to lay at Jesus' feet. Nothing is wasted with God...

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews 12:1-3

Thursday, December 5, 2013

From Toxic Shame to Freedom

Italy...Ebenezer of peace and freedom  2008

I grew up in the church.  I always hungered for God.  Or maybe I should say, He has always pursued my heart.  In the early years, I thought it was because I knew I was bad.  I knew I needed God to forgive me and help me.  My behavior was inconsistent with who I wanted to be.  Try as I might, I just couldn’t be “good enough.”   Maya Angelou has a saying that I have heard Oprah repeat often, “When you know better, you do better.”  Well…I have not found that to always be true in my life.  I know better than to eat the whole carton of ice cream, but I still do sometimes.  I know better than to lash out vicious words in anger at a friend, but I have done it.  There are some habits that are hard to break.  There are some sins that are hard to walk away from.  There are some addictions that are gripping for those of us who are addiction-prone.  The apostle Paul said it well:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.  What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”  Romans 7:21-25

In the early years, I did not know the difference between healthy conviction that leads to repentance and reconciliation with God and toxic shame that leads nowhere but to a downward spiral.  I guess it was part of my nature to grasp onto the verses in the Bible about humility but to ignore the ones about loving your neighbor as yourself, for surely if we are to love as we love ourselves, then it is a “given” that we love ourselves.    I don’t remember hearing a sermon about that.  Loving myself never crossed my mind.  It wasn’t in my radar.  I wanted to crucify myself.  I wanted to die.

The first time someone told me that I was allowed, even supposed, to love myself I was fifteen years old.  I had been struggling with feelings of jealousy and what seemed like hatred towards my best friend.  She was a lot of things that I thought I wanted to be.  I confessed these feelings, in shame, to a Youth Pastor from Rockford Illinois who happened to be ministering at my church Youth Retreat in New Castle, Pennsylvania.  I was so sad, so depressed, and feeling shame because I was envious of my friend to the point that I believed I hated her.

I still remember the moment that he told me the truth.  He said to me, “Janice, you don’t hate your friend.  You hate yourself.” 

No one had ever told me that before.  Just months before, I had been so depressed that my parents had put me on a waiting list at a psychiatric hospital in a nearby town (unbeknownst to me) and one day, they drove me there with the intent to admit me.   The psychiatrist on duty examined me and refused to admit me.  He told my parents, “She is not mentally ill.  She is just depressed.”

I had been treated as an outpatient for a few months before I met this Youth Pastor.  I visited a traditional child-Psychiatrist who nodded his head and said very little.  In all that time, he had never told me what this Pastor was able to point out in just one conversation.

My prescription from the Pastor was to completely immerse myself in God’s love.  I was to focus every day on how much God loved me.  That was a turning point in my life, for sure.  I wish I could say that I learned to love myself at that juncture, but I did not.

Youth Pastor Greg Speck and Janice 1981
Learning to receive God’s love and to love myself has been a life-long process.  For me, it has involved years of Bible study, Christian counseling, prayers for deliverance and inner healing, and a support group that meets at my local YMCA called HOPE.  HOPE has provided practical tools and support to deal with emotional eating and codependency by learning to choose healthy boundaries and self-care.  God has used all of this in my life to transform me.  I am a different person than I used to be.  It has been hard-fought.  It has taken years.  Any progress I have made has been worth every step.  I am freer now than I have ever been.  I am more in love with God than I have ever been.  I care for myself without guilt or shame.  Okay, rarely with guilt or shame.  The founder of the HOPE group, Julie Hall, says it well, “I don’t do shame anymore.” 

The Youth Pastor who gave me such wisdom all those years ago is still ministering to Youth today.  He told me back then…”Anything of worth or of value takes time and effort and is never easy.”  Yes, I have found this to be true. 

We are body, soul, and spirit.  All are made by God and all are important.  The body we have is just for this lifetime, but caring for it can make this lifetime more pleasant and rich.  Our minds can be cluttered with junk or full of wisdom and truth…depending on what we choose for our thought-life.  Our souls are heaven-bound or not, whether we choose to lay our lives at Jesus’ feet…at the foot of the cross or choose to live only for ourselves.  We have a choice. 

I am sad for those who focus only on the body, or only on the mind, or only on the spirit…oh, I know that “balance” is that elusive goal.  We never get it just right.  Seems among some Christians, though,  there is praise for being “super-spiritual” but little focus on physical or emotional health, especially emotional health.  I found that when I was “sick” emotionally, I wasn’t really able to be healthy spiritually or physically, either.  Depression and self-hatred is like walking in a fog.  I am SO grateful for that Youth Pastor who helped start me on my journey to receive God’s love and to love myself.  It has made all the difference.


    So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Lust and a Foot Washing

Preparing for a Foot Washing...Wedding of Greg & Allison Miller

A single woman who longs to find love often has little crushes on men in her life.  It is easy to form an attraction to men at work, especially when one works closely with men and develops a camaraderie.  In America, often times we spend more time with our workmates than with our families.  Forty to sixty working hours…that is a lot of time.  It is easy to see how affairs can happen.  It starts innocently enough…shared laughter, a glance, a compliment to a hungry heart.  I am so very grateful that I have not fallen into this trap…but I have not been immune to temptation.

Many years ago, one such temptation almost took me down.  It was lust, for sure, and my hungry heart was oh so weak.  The pull was magnetic.  Looking back now, it seems illogical.  I think that there was something demonic involved.  The Bible is clear that as Christians, we do face supernatural forces working against us.  It is crucial for us to be on guard.  I shudder to think of all that I would have lost if I had fallen.  Many others’ lives would have been impacted as well.

If you are reading this and you are struggling, I understand.  God understands.  You must run for your life!  Run away as if your life depends on it.  You will not regret running.  You will regret an affair.  It can never be blessed by God.  And it will trip you up and set you off course for a season…maybe for the rest of your life.

I was in a small women’s Bible study at the time with three other close friends.  This was critical for my spiritual growth and sense of family.  I entrusted them with my struggle and enlisted their prayers.  I know to-this-day that I was spared, in part, because of their prayers for me. 

One particular week, I was obsessed with the thought of this person.  I felt so frustrated with my thought-life and I was full of shame.  I knew that I had sinned with my thoughts, even though I had never acted on my desires.  At the end of that week, on a Friday evening, I went to a home fellowship meeting.  This was a group of about 10-15 people from my church who met once or twice a month for prayer and bible study.  I was not feeling very spiritual at the time and I had forced myself to go to the group.

It was an evening of prayer and ministry to each other.   The majority of the evening, I was present in body only.  I kept quiet.  These friends did not know about my struggles.   I remember being amazed as I witnessed God working that night.   A decision was made to put a chair in the center of the room and anyone who wanted ministry and prayer was invited to sit in the chair.  At one point, while a woman was sitting in the chair, another woman was praying for her and shared a vision of an envelope burning.  She asked the woman in the chair if her vision had any significance for her.  The woman in the chair began to weep.  Many years before, she had a miscarriage.  She had been so sorrowful and so angry at God, that she could not even bring herself to read the cards and letters she had received after the miscarriage.  The envelopes remained unopened, in a box in her home.  I watched as this woman was prayed over and loved, and she began to work through the pain she had carried for years.  It was a beautiful and hopeful moment.  How much God loved her; to speak to her this way through a sister-in-Christ.

I longed to get in the chair, but I was so full of shame and I felt unworthy.  I couldn’t bring myself to go there.  I sat on the floor, near a wall, with my bare feet tucked under me and my eyes downward.  It was summer time and I had taken off my sandals.

The same woman who had the vision of the envelope burning spoke to me at one point.  She said, “Janice, I think you should get in the chair.”   I was relieved to be invited.  I sat down with my eyes closed.  I heard some movement and some whispering…I wasn’t sure what was happening.  I sat and I waited with my eyes closed.  Then I felt something at my feet and the woman whom God had been using that night said, “Janice, the Lord told me that we are supposed to wash your feet.” 


Basin & Pitcher used when Johns Ellington proposed to my dear friend, Cheryl, more than 13 years ago...and yes, he washed her feet...

They had prepared a basin for me.  It was full of water and some lovely soap that felt silky and soft.  I had never experienced this before.  As Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, so He washed mine through these dear friends.  As they washed my feet, I wept.  And they prayed.  They prayed so many sweet prayers for me.  They didn’t know about my sinful thoughts or my broken heart.  But God did.  And He washed me clean.

When I got home that night and got into bed, my feet were still tingling.  I felt such mercy and love from God.  I was not shamed.  I was forgiven.  And I moved on…after receiving such love and such forgiveness, I had no more desire for the sin that had tugged at my heart.  I wanted God more.

Greg & Allison Miller


Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4



Greg Serving his Bride...


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms... Ephesians 6:10-12


Listen to this classic from Leslie Phillips:




Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Toxic Faith… (Satan has a counterfeit for everything)


My heart hurts for a friend of mine.  She loves God with her whole heart.  Or, at least, she loves who she thinks God is.  This god of hers is very small.  He is made in her image.

This friend of mine, she is so full of self-hatred; she loves a god who shames her if she does anything she thinks is displeasing to him.  There are so many hoops that she believes she has to jump through in order to please this god of hers…she can never succeed.  So her god is angry with her…a lot.  She is disappointed with herself…a lot.  Her worldview is broken; her god-view is broken.  The end result is logical but very sad…she cannot love herself.  Her theology fits like a glove into her self-hatred.  She can never please this god of hers…and she can never please herself.

My heart hurts for this friend of mine.  She used to be me.


Artwork by David Loy

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  This is how God showed his love among us:  He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  1 John 4:7-10

There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  We love because he first loved us.  1 John 4:18-19

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?  Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22:36-39

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

You, my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.  The entire law is summed up in a single command:  Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Galatians 5:13-14


Sunday, November 24, 2013

Historical (Hysterical?) Dating Disasters

Okay, so I think after my last post, a little levity is needed.  I am not always so deeply contemplative.  Ask some of my friends and family---I can be very funny, quirky, and you-fill-in-the-blank...

I am going to share some gems from my dating history.  Haters, please move on. I am declaring this page a no-judge zone!  If you are honest, we have all been there.  If you haven't, consider yourself very, very blessed!

My first foray into match-making (pre-Internet dating) was with a company in the 1990's called Together Dating Service.  Back before the Internet (yes, I was alive before the Internet), one would go to a building and sign up for a match-making service.  It was VERY expensive.  

Holidays always made me sad and wishing for a significant other. This one particular year, it was the 4th of July that did me in.  My friend, Carol, always laughs about that one.  For some it's Christmas or Valentine's Day.  For me, it was the 4th of July.  (I said I can be quirky).  Maybe it was the fireworks I was longing for...

So there I was, post-July 4th, signing on the dotted line, hoping that God would use the "professional" matchmakers to find me the love of my life.  I negotiated a $2,500 fee down to $1,225.  Feeling quite pleased with my negotiating skills, I went home to wait for my first match, which was to arrive at my home in the mail. Yes...SNAIL MAIL.  No joke.

Within a week, the envelope showed up in my mailbox.  I ripped it open with eager anticipation...only to find I had been matched with a man in my Sunday school class at church!  I paid over $1200 to meet a man I already knew!  

Suffice it to say, he was not my dream man.  Nor were any of the other men that the service found for me.  I chalked it up to a learning experience and vowed to never spend that kind of money on such a venture again.

Fast-forward to 2001...enter Match.com and Ovarian Cancer.  I had lost every hair on my body.  I went to a class at the hospital where I learned to draw on eyebrows and glue on false eyelashes.  I felt quite sassy in my blond "Marilyn Monroe" wig, which gave me extra confidence.  While I was out of work on short-term disability going through chemotherapy, I decided to find myself some lunch dates.

One of my first dates was at one of my favorite Charlotte restaurants, Trio.  The man was quite good-looking and seemed classy.  As I walked up to the table to shake his hand, I felt something tickling the side of my face.  I excused myself to go to the restroom.  There, I found that one set of false eyelashes was dangling down the side of my face!  Oops!  I ripped off the other set and went back to the table eyelashless.  That was the only date I had with Mr. Classy.


I called this my "Marilyn" wig...


I had many interested parties when I was on Match.com.  Although I talked about my faith, I found most men did not read what I said. They only looked at my picture and contacted me based on the physical only.  

The Christian men were few and far between.  One email I received from a sweet Christian man was so entertaining, I kept it:

Howdy ma'am!  I was browsing the member directories, and came across your profile/info. It definitely caught my attention, wow!  And though I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, I just had to write you! No way was I going to pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity. I didn't know there were woman like you around/unmarried, you appear too good to be true!! (For real!).  I would tell you something, but I'm afraid you'd think it was a line or something...well, that sells you short, don't it? Honestly, I cried when I read your profile, thinking what a great lady you must be and how blessed your future husband will be to earn and win your heart. As to the chances of that being me, hey..., folk say anything is possible (maybe not probable, but still in realm of possible, amen? LOL). You seem to be a sharp gal, and I bet you even part your hair just right to cover it up too, don't you?


Not so long ago I was injured on my "secular" job (in '96), and now am on total Soc. Sec. disability/can't work a regular job (I also walk with cane and use electric wheelchair when needed, and have gained lots of weight due to lack of exercise...heNCe, I make BIG impressions on all. he he!)...Though unable to work, I am fully fuNCtional in all other ways and abilities. One thing for sure, I'm a well-rounded fellow and all can tell I'm a guy on the level 'cause my bubble's in the middle! ;-}

Now, I don't know if I'm the type/kind of guy you're looking for or not, but I sent you some info about me to peruse at your convenience...one good thing for you no matter what...you can at least use my pic at your house...I hear that it's real good for roach and rodent killing.l be...In His grip and headed for home...

Lest you think that I broke his heart, I did send back a gracious email thanking him for his interest and wishing him God's Blessings.

In addition to almost 10 years on Match.com, I also had a stint on eharmony and several rounds of speed dating.  Speed Dating was set up at a local club where you had 8-8 minute dates with a series of men.  Afterwards, you had opportunity to check a yes or a no on each one.  If both of you checked yes, then the organizers would contact you and give you each other's phone numbers.  

I did meet one very nice man through speed dating who happened to be very close friends with my Oncologist.  His wife had recently passed away from cancer. He wore his wedding ring around his neck. Needless to say, the timing was not right for that one...

My final 3 dates on Match.com and eharmony occurred in the fall of 2009. Subsequently, I swore off Internet dating "for good."  Here's a brief synopsis:

1.  Man A was a tennis player and a never-been-married Christian. We had 3 dates, one was playing tennis, which was very fun.  On the 3rd date, he wanted to cook dinner for me at my home.  I had been clear about my boundaries regarding premarital sex (i.e., no premarital sex).  After dinner, he stood in my living room and told me, "You don't understand!  I have to have sex!  I get the shakes and I can't concentrate at work."  When he hugged me goodbye, he didn't let go.  I think he honestly felt that my sex-starved self would melt in his arms.  I did not. Thankfully, he did leave and I have only seen him once since then--on an adjacent tennis court.

2.  Man B was a wealthy divorced Christian who asked to meet at his wine bar, where they store his wine and champagne.  We had interesting conversation and I enjoyed a glass of champagne. He drank the rest of the two bottles.  Afterwards, he backed me up to my car and tried to kiss me.  I was able to get away and I chose not see him again. I called a friend at the several-thousand-member church he attends here in Charlotte.  This friend knew him--what are the chances?  No coincidence--God watches out for his children...I found out that he is known for having some kind of addiction problem.  A mutual friend has driven him home from church when he has been under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  

3.  Man C was a Christian man from a nearby town.  We met for coffee on our first date.  I liked him and I sensed that he really did know the Lord.  So I allowed him to pick me up for our second date, which was to PF Changs restaurant.  On the way home, we were pulled over by the police.  He had no drivers license.  He had lost his license due to excessive speeding.  The policeman required me to get in the drivers seat and drive us back to my house. Thankfully, this man had no qualms about getting back in to his car and driving himself home, even though he had no license.  

I was trying to be open.  I was willing to see man C again.  He stood me up.  God watches out for his children.

If you are Internet dating and you want to share a funny or poignant story, please feel free to leave a comment here.  

I vowed after the fall of 2009 to never do Match or eHarmony again.

So, why did I sign up for 3 months of Christian Mingle in October? I'm still waiting to figure that out...

Update January 2014:  I met one very nice Christian man on Christian Mingle. He was not "the one," but I am glad that we met.  My membership is running out and I will not renew.  There are very few men in my age range on the site.  I would not recommend it.  I did decide to try 3 months on eharmony.  I really like the updates they have made since several years ago.  I'll be sure to let you know how it goes...

see this link to a great blog from danalyne with internet dating tips


Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21