Philippines 2014: Forty-Six Hours of Travel, Oh My!

Posing for this picture at 11:00 am on Wednesday, July 9th, we look so fresh!  I, for one, am glad that I didn’t know some of what lay ahead.  

July 9th, 2014

Not that anything was particularly disappointing; it’s more that it would have been so daunting.  In fact, at the end of almost every day on this trip, I said to my roomie, Marsha, “I am so glad that I did not know ahead of time all that this day would hold!”  I would have not believed that I could do it all! Exhausting!  But--oh, so satisfying.  That’s the only way to describe it.

Shortly after the picture, we were on our way to the Charlotte Douglas Airport. After stops in Chicago and Qatar (more about that later), we landed in Manila on Friday, July 11th around 4:00 pm.  The Philippines is 12 hours ahead, so for us, it was 4:00 am.  By the time we collected our bags, met our ride, and arrived at our destination of Faith Fellowship Aurora, it was 9 pm.  That translates into 46 hours total from the time of the initial picture to reaching our destination.

Lots of bags--Lots of people, Manila airport

Manila traffic on a Friday night is something to behold.  We really didn’t have far to go in miles, but it took over 3 hours to maneuver through the traffic. No words to describe how it works there…no order, no sense of staying in a lane; really, I have never seen anything like it.  God bless our drivers!

What happened in the 46 hours between July 9th and July 11th? 

We flew to Chicago first.  It was there that we met Bethany.  She saw all eleven of us in our purple shirts and suspected that we must be on a mission trip.  She approached us and introduced herself. Bethany was on her way to Madagascar for a month, in preparation for a longer mission commitment beginning in 2015.  We loved her!  In fact, when we arrived in Qatar, Kim invited her to be our guest at the airport lounge.  We had eight hours to wait and she had seven.  

What a lovely young woman and what a great place of respite for us.  The airport and the lounge are new.  In fact, the lounge was not listed as being open yet but we prayed hard that it would be and we were happy to find it so.  I can’t decide whether the best part was the shower or the fabulous food…it’s a toss-up!  It felt wonderful to have a shower.  The food was fantastic.  

Marsha, Kim, Janice, and Sonja

Delicious!

Now is probably the time I should confess my faux pas…the one that made some of my team members want to remove their purple shirts for fear of being associated with me.  I really have my ankles to blame, first and foremost. Here is a picture of the instigators:

I have Cankles!

My skin stung from being stretched so much.  The flight from Chicago to Qatar was almost 13 hours.  All of the food was prepared in accordance with Islamic standards (announced to us before each meal and snack).  Translation:  spicy and salty.   I am one who rarely turns down a meal, but this was not appealing to me at all.  Who wants chicken and rice for breakfast?  Spicy chicken and rice, at that. 

So…after a wonderfully satisfying meal in the airport lounge I began to wish I could elevate my feet.  I felt I needed to get them above my heart.  When Devri said to me, “Just put them up on the wall,” I thought that sounded like a great idea.  I truly didn’t understand that she was joking.  (Since then, the girls decided that I am kindred spirits to Amelia Bedelia).

I am told that I created a spectacle.  Yes, I had a skirt on but I tried to cover with a blanket (apparently unsuccessfully).  It wasn’t the peek of my thighs that brought the attendant running, though, it was the sight of my feet.  The team had talked me into taking them off the wall but then, I put them up on a chair (facing the glass windows) while still lying on the floor.  I had achieved the height (or low) of offense at this point, as the bottoms of my feet were in view for all to see.  Not a good idea in Qatar.  Especially during the month of Ramadan.  

We have talked since then as to whether my team would have stayed in Qatar had I been arrested.  I have been assured by our leader, Kim, that we would have stayed together, no matter what.  I am SO glad that the consequences were no more than embarrassment.  My poor team. 

No more pictures of my feet, but here is one that touched my heart:  prayers for Bethany.  

Kim, Bethany, Amber, Danya, and Devri

Our encounter wasn’t by chance but by Divine direction.  It was so great to hear her story and in some small way, be an encouragement to her. 

We took this picture with Bethany before departing for our flights:

Kim, Diann, Tina, Devri, Cindy, Janice, Danya, Bethany, Marsha, Cherie, Amber, Sonja

If you would like to follow Bethany in Madagascar, you may do so here.  She is making a difference…I am so proud to call her my new friend.

As far as Qatar Air, the food was not so great but the planes and the staff were impressive.  Beautiful attendants, fashionable uniforms (the nicest I have seen), and very interesting bassinets for babies which hung on the wall. I wish I would have snapped a picture.  We had two babies hanging on the wall on our flight from Qatar to Manila.  Relieved that neither fell out!  I did fine some stock photos:

Don't they look cozy?

Cindy is comfy, too

Landing in Qatar

It's a Biggin!

When we arrived at the church in Manila, it was so great to meet more of Kim’s friends (especially Marilyn, whom I had corresponded with quite a bit in the process of writing and printing a devotional in the Philippines.  Marilyn was key in getting information to Benette, who graciously and generously formatted the book for me. Thanks Marilyn!).  

We were warmly welcomed with home-made soup, KFC, and gifts. 

Delicious Welcome!

Should the hand fans and sweat towels have been an indication of what was to come?  Silly me, I thought it was a washcloth.  I soon appreciated the custom of wearing a towel under the back of my shirt with a small portion folded over the neck.  Yes, it was that hot and humid.  I will tell you all about it soon.

Philippines 2014: Initial Thoughts

Women's Retreat in Pozorrubio

I have been avoiding this—the writing about my trip to the Philippines.  Rarely at a loss for words and guilty on countless occasions of exceeding the recommended 500 word limit for blog posts; I am known for throwing propriety and caution to the wind.  I write until I am done with my thoughts.  Perhaps it is fear that keeps me from writing now; fear that words might fail to do justice to what my heart knows to be true.

Don’t let me be guilty of overdone platitudes: “I went to give but how much more I received,” or “I thought I would serve but it was they who served me.” Not that any of that is untrue.  It just isn’t enough.

You have to know this about me first—I am sentimental, but I am not.  I am romantic, but I am not. Tears do not come easily to me.  I am a realist.  I am suspicious.  I have learned not to expect too much and therefore, I am often pleasantly surprised.

All that I knew was that I was supposed to go.  I didn’t know why.  Honestly, I wasn’t the least bit excited about this journey even a week before.  Oh, I pretended to be excited.  Truthfully, I held more dread than anticipation. What if the heat was unbearable?  What if I felt suffocated being around people for two weeks?  Where would I find the peace and solitude that I crave?  What if I don’t sleep and get cranky and horribly offend someone?

Please understand, I am the same woman who stood on a hill overlooking Jerusalem in 2000, surrounded by friends who were weeping for joy at their first sight of the Holy Land, all the while feeling nothing but shame for having no tears of my own.  I was miserably tired, hot, and unimpressed by the pale beige tones of the desert and the pierce of the thorny ground into my Birkenstock-exposed toes.  Jet lag is not my friend.

Afraid of setting my expectations too high, the best I knew to do was to lean in to the prayers offered on my behalf.  There must have been more than I even imagined.  I had the privilege of an assignment prior to the trip…the writing of a devotional for the women we would meet in Manila and the provinces, “31 Days of Hope.”  One of the days was about letting go.  For someone like me who lives alone and has the illusion of control, journeying with a group to other side of the world can be daunting.  I took my own advice and it helped.  Well, actually, it was the advice of a friend to me when I was escalating up the hill of a roller coaster I had never ridden before; “Just relax and let it happen.”  And so I did.

It didn’t matter that I didn’t get more than five hours of sleep at a time while I was there.  It didn’t matter that I was drenched with sweat much of the time.  It didn’t matter that there was a typhoon and we were without electricity for an entire day, and portions of days thereafter.  It didn’t matter than I had way too much rice and (sometimes) food that I could not identify. None of that mattered because this adventure, this, was the best trip I have ever taken…even better than Italy.  How could this be?

My heart was fully engaged.  That is what mattered.

On the way to the airport 07_09_2014

Manila...after 38 hours of travel

This rainbow was waiting for us at the Manila airport

Oh, I am not done…this is only the beginning…

Unpacking

My house looks like a bomb went off.  Those of you who know me well are probably thinking, “So what else is new?”  I really have been doing better with my messiness!  

I returned from the Philippines Monday evening after forty straight grueling hours of travel (24 in airplanes).  With no time to completely unpack my bags, my mind, or my heart, I was off to the She Speaks conference in Concord, NC. 

She Speaks is an annual conference put on by Proverbs 31 Ministry.  It is a powerhouse of a conference to train women who feel called to speaking, writing, and/or blogging because they love Jesus.

Wow!  All I can say is, “Wow!”  I know the phrase “drinking from a fire hose” can be overdone, but that is the only way I can describe the past three days. 

I don’t really feel like a Proverbs 31 type of gal.  I have no husband or children.  My life experience is very different from the demographic.  But I felt right at home anyway.   One would think that being in a room with 800 dynamic and beautiful women would be intimidating.  It was, at first.  But in almost every break out session, we were reminded that “There is only one me.  I am the expert at being me.  God wants to use me.” 

This seminar is a testimony to the power of prayer.  It was bathed in prayer.  I felt it.  I have so much more to unpack now.  Bags and memories from a life-changing trip to the Philippines.  An ocean of information from She Speaks.  Where do I begin?  Perhaps not today.  Today is my last day of being forty-something.  I need to just be.  

One of the other great aspects of the conference was the new friendships.  I met the most wonderful women at meals, in my seminars, in the ladies room (you know how us girls can make a party out of going to the bathroom!  And there is always a line…)

I met Carolina from Texas.  She loves teenagers.  Her last husband passed away from pancreatic cancer.  She has remarried (to the love of her life.)  And she is my age!  We had a wonderful time getting to know each other.

I met Natasha from Europe, now living in Greenville, SC.  She is a first generation Christian.  Lovely accent.  She is married with two boys and longs to go back to her home country and tell people about Jesus.  We had wonderful conversation over lunch.

I met Cara from Louisiana.  She is married with 3 children.  Cara lost over 100 pounds after reading Lysa Terkeurst’s book, Made to Crave.  She was so thrilled to meet her in person to say “thank you.”  Cara’s trip to She Speaks was paid for by fund raising back home.  Her friends are so proud of her and wanted to make this event possible for her.

There are many more.  So many unique women with unforgettable stories.  I have gathered amazing new friends in the past three weeks.  Some are oceans away, in Manila or Concepcion or Pozorrubio or Pagrai or Pinapal or Villa Corazon.  I can’t wait to tell you about them.  But for today, I want to revel in being forty-nine.  It has been a fabulous year.  What a ride!

The Summer I Saw the Crape Myrtle

In warmer climates like those of North and South Carolina, there is a beautiful flowering tree commonly known as the Crape Myrtle.  The flowers can be white or pink or purple.  In Charlotte, they line streets and can be found in commercial and private landscaping.  In my neighborhood, I can see them from my bay window when I look out at my neighbor’s yard.

I was reminded of my love of Crape Myrtles this morning as I took my daily walk.  The flowers are beginning to shed and they sprinkle the ground like colorful snowflakes.  

Crape Myrtles make me smile.  Not just because they are so beautiful.  There is a deeper meaning for me.  You see, I had lived in Charlotte for nine years before I ever remember seeing one.  In my personal timeline, I affectionately call it “the summer I saw the Crape Myrtle.”

It was the summer I turned thirty years old.  I had just purchased my very first home in March of that year.  When the Crape Myrtles began their glorious display that summer, the first one I saw was from the view from my dining room window.  It took moving in and settling right next to one for me become curious about them.  What is this lovely tree and where had it been all of my life?

I asked my friends about it and they laughed at me.  Had I not seen them everywhere in Charlotte summers?  I began to see them as if for the first time.  They lined the street on the way to my church.  They are all over my neighborhood, where I had rented for three years before I moved into my own home.  They really seemed to be popping up all over the place.  Why had I never noticed? 

I believe it is because landscaping was irrelevant to my life until I had my own yard to nurture.  Once I took ownership of a piece of land, as small as mine is, I began to notice yards and landscaping everywhere I went.  My eyes became attuned to the colors and the beauty around me as I contemplated my own yard.  I opened my heart and mind to the beauty around me and I was astounded at what I began to see.

Do you have eyes but fail to see and ears but fail to hear…? (Mark 8:18)

That summer my eyes were opened; not only to the beauty of the Crape Myrtle, but to the idea that I am capable of not seeing what is right in front of me.  If I can overlook the Crape Myrtle, what else have I not seen?

When I think of the Crape Myrtle, I am reminded to pray for eyes that see and ears that hear.  What is my role in this life I have been given?  How can I become more attuned to God’s presence and His voice?

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)

Learning to discern the voice of God is a lifelong pursuit.  I have to be open to His voice.  Not just open, but hungry for it. 

I don’t want to miss Him.  I am convinced that days go by where I close my mind and heart to what God desires to do in my life.  I don’t want to be like the people Jesus described in Matthew 13:

For this people’s heart has become calloused;

    they hardly hear with their ears,

    and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

    hear with their ears,

    understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them.’  (Matthew 13:15)

Oh Father, let me have eyes to see and ears to hear You.  Help me to create space for You in my days.  I don’t want to have a calloused heart.  I want a heart that is open and soft before You.  I want to be healed.

Holy Yoga...An Unexpected Refuge

Picture from Holy Yoga Charlotte Facebook Page

There is something incredibly healing about human touch.  My awareness of this fact is heightened because I do not often receive physical touch.  Gentle touch to the feet can be amazing.  As I was lying with eyes shut, arms out, palms open wide, breathing slowly and deeply…I felt something so nurturing and kind…hands coated with oil, gentle smooth pressure all over my feet in quick strokes.  Soon my feet were covered in a soft swirl of oil and the sense of care swept from my feet to my heart and to my mind…"what a thoughtful and kind way to serve me."  It is humbling.  It is loving.  It is what my Jesus would do.  Kristine, she allowed herself to be Jesus’ hands and heart towards me…towards each of us in the Holy Yoga class.  It didn’t matter that we had never met.  She gave freely. 

After class I told her how I appreciated that act of kindness.  It reminded me of the day that my feet were washed many years ago after a season of temptation and shame.  How Jesus used my friends' hands and prayers to wash me clean.  How I was physically reminded of God’s endless grace and compassion towards me.

She said she doesn’t always do that.  She just tries to listen to the Holy Spirit.  She allows God to change the course of her classes.  It was a class designed for me that day.

I had a difficult week where the voices of my past and the voice of the enemy whispered in my ear.  At every turn, it seemed, even in the midst of kind words towards me, I heard the one negative or the thing that could be taken either way and magnified it in my mind and heart as if it was shouted to me, “I am not enough.  I can’t get it right.  I failed again.”

  

As I drove myself to Carmel Presbyterian for the first time that morning, I prayed that I would find the building and get to the class early enough to get situated.  I had never taken a Yoga class.  Holy Yoga had popped up on my Facebook feed.  I “liked” it with the intention of visiting one day.  This day, I was hoping for some stretching and a little inspiration.  I didn’t know how worshipful it would be.  

When I walked into the room, Kristine greeted me with a beautiful smile and a warm hug.  There was a table set with candles and a box for prayer requests as well as donations ($5 to $8 is suggested).  I filled out a form with my contact information and a waiver not to sue if I injured myself.  Pretty standard for exercise classes.

She had all the equipment ready for me.  I was situated on a mat near the front.  There were some bolsters and bean bags to help with positioning.  Soon, the others filed in and the class began.  I was greeted with smiles and some introductions.

This particular class was called Gentle Holy Yoga…a perfect class for a beginner.  It was as much a worship time as it was a stretching time.  There were several scripture readings read by Kristine from moment to moment, mostly from the Psalms.  Also, a reading from Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling as we stretched and breathed:

“Relax in my healing, holy Presence.  Be still, while I transform your heart and mind.  Let go of cares and worries, so that you can receive my Peace. Cease striving, and know that I am God.

Do not be like Pharisees who multiplied regulations, creating their own form of “godliness.”  They got so wrapped up in their own rules that they lost sight of Me.  Even today, man-made rules about how to live the Christian life enslave many people.  Their focus is on their performance, rather than on Me. 

It is through knowing Me intimately that you become like Me.  This requires spending time alone with Me.  Let go, relax, be still, and know that I am God.”

In between the readings there was worship music.  My favorite was "No Sweeter Name," sung by Kari Job:

Adobe flash is needed to watch video

As we listened, I heard the most lovely soprano voice singing along with Kari.  It was Kristine.  Later I found out that she is married to the music director at the church.  Her Facebook page tells me that she has a Bachelor of Music in Vocal Performance.  I am not surprised.  But let me be clear, she was not performing.  She was worshipping.  She was singing along intermittently, naturally, beautifully.  It was not distracting at all…it added to the sense of peace and flow and worship.  

I had walked in to the class with a heavy heart.  I left feeling a sense of God’s peace and love for me.  He ministered to me through scripture, music, touch, the sweet aroma of oil and candles, and prayer.  At one point, as she prayed, Kristine even asked what voices we had been listening to in our heads, “Is it my voice?  Is it God’s voice?”  There was a long pause and I thought about my week and added silently, “The enemy’s voice.”  And then Kristine said, “The enemy’s?”

It was as if this class was tailored for the struggles of my week.  I shared this with Kristine afterwards.  She says it is always different.  She doesn’t always use the oil and touch feet.  She has learned to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit.  I looked at my copy of Jesus Calling this morning and I realized that the reading she used was not the reading for the day of our class.  It was the one I needed to hear.

I am reminded once again of how personal God can be to us.  He met me right where I was upon entering that room.  He whispered Peace and Love to me through Kristine’s ministry.  He whispered Hope and Nurture.  And once again I am reminded that He is Enough.  And because He is, I am enough in Him. 

“Cease striving and know that I am God…" 

Psalm 46:10 NASB

To connect with Charlotte Holy Yoga click Here

To learn more about Holy Yoga and find a class near you, click Here

Dreams and Crossroads

I dreamed about a tape measure last night.  My dad was still alive, and I was buying him a Christmas present.

He was hard to buy for...a simple man who was happiest walking in the very field you see pictured above. I wanted to give him something other than the usual socks or underwear.  I found this unique tape measure, in my dream, which was actually two tape measures side by side.  I thought he could use it in his little shop/workbench in the basement.  It was sold with other crafty type stuff included in the box, similar to things I had seen in the nooks and crannies of his work table.  I also got him a paperback novel, which Mom scolded me about, "You know he can't read anymore!"  Okay, I thought in my dream, I won't give him the book.  The double tape measure will be enough.

I woke up, dream so vivid, and I asked God what it meant.  I may let you know when He reveals it. I have learned that often God will let me know what He wants me to know when I ask...it just usually isn't immediate.  

I will hear His voice when I am walking or blow-drying my hair or driving.  It will hit me all-of-the-sudden. I have learned to pay attention.  It is not an audible voice, but a strong thought that hits my mind and heart at the same time.  

So, I don't yet know what He wants to tell me from my dream.  There is also the possibility that the dream is about my subconscious-self speaking to me, revealing what my heart believes is true.  That is good information to have as well.

Once, many years ago, I had a dream about going to church in my bathrobe and curlers.  I was sitting near the front, and on this particular Sunday, the pews moved and revolved so that everyone saw me and I felt embarrassed and woefully unprepared for worship.  

I asked God, when I woke up, what the dream meant.  I was sure it was from Him.  I was frustrated when He did not answer immediately.

But then, hours later, as I opened my mouth to sing in the worship service, the meaning hit me suddenly and clearly...it was like a "whoosh!"  

I sensed God speaking, "Janice, you would never come to church physically unprepared...you always look your best.  How many times have you come to church spiritually and emotionally prepared?  How do you prepare your heart for worship?"

That was a revelation.  That was a call to respond.  During that season of my life, I started to attend a prayer meeting early in the morning before church.  I sensed that I needed to pray before I attended the service, to prepare as much internally as I always did externally.

When God asks something specific of me and I KNOW it, I have a choice.  I have a choice to obey or not. To whom much is given, much is required.  (Reading the Bible is life-changing but loaded...once I know His will and His plan, I am faced with decisions.)  Sure, if I choose not to do as He asks, I can be forgiven. But that forgiveness did not come cheap to God.  Ask Him about Jesus.

My holiness is not dependent on my righteousness, it is based on Christ's righteousness.  It is based on accepting and knowing that it is only because of Jesus that I am "saved."

But...walking with God is a relationship.  It is an opportunity to grow deeper in love with Him and to grow into maturity and into a life-that-is-truly-life.  An opportunity to become who I was created to be.  THAT cannot happen without obedience.

We face this crossroad daily, those of us who call ourselves Christian.  We have forks in the road where we get to choose to obey or to do our own thing.  Sometimes we feel that we are getting away with something when we say no to God and know that He still loves us and forgives us.  But we are lying to ourselves.  And even though there is no escaping God's love, there is also no escaping some of the consequences of disobedience.

It is true that He loves us more than we can know.  He will forgive us if we repent, but we are not getting away with anything...we are cheating ourselves out of the life that we were created to live.  When we say "no" to God, we deny ourselves deeper intimacy with our Creator.  We stifle our own spritual growth and growth as human beings.  

Saying "yes" can be painful and require sacrifice.  But the joy...the joy and peace is SO worth it.  

I'm not gonna lie and say I've learned my lesson.  I will still say "no" to God at times...I am human and I am selfish and I struggle to say "yes."  My desire is to learn to say "Yes!" more and more so that the "no's" are fleeting.  

With each "yes" I am stepping closer to His heart.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me..."  

John 10:27 KJV

When Is It More Lonely to Be With Someone Than to Be Alone?

This video is being passed around on Facebook...which is kind of ironic, given the subject matter.  What do you think about it?

Note: This video is on You Tube (click here).  If you cannot see it on your smartphone, please check it out from your computer.  It truly is worth a watch.

Look Up Video by Gary Turk

I like it.  I confess, I have been guilty of being the one "looking down."  I have also found myself sitting next to someone who was the one "looking down."  It was a lonely experience. 

I have been told, over the years, that there is no more lonely place than to be in a marriage and feel isolated.  I imagine that is true.  I am thankful that I have not experienced that kind of loneliness.

Have you ever felt lonely in a crowded room?  I have.  And yet, I took a trip overseas by myself and I did not feel lonely.  Why is that?  Perhaps it has to with expectations and focus.

When I traveled to Italy solo in 2008, I knew that I would be alone much of the time.  I embraced it and I prepared myself for it.  It was a wonderful adventure in which I felt satisfied just being with myself and my God.  I reveled in the triumph of it, really.

My travels were in the days before Facebook for me.  I was able to get to an Internet kiosk every so often and send a letter home to friends and family.  The letters are included at the beginning of this Blog, Travelling Solo.  Sometimes, there would be replies waiting for me.  This communication was valuable for me and reminded me that I had people thinking of me and rooting for me back home.  I was thousands of miles away but we still connected on some level.  I guess I wasn't really alone at all.

The times I have felt terribly lonely in a room full of people were times when I did not feel connected to anyone in the room at that moment...times when I felt insignificant.  Times when I was believing lies in my head that said, "No one cares that I am here."  Or, "Everyone else is having more fun than me." Kind of self-absorbed, wasn't I?

I am learning a lot about myself.  Some good things and some not-so-great things.  Information is power.  

I have learned to ask myself an important question, "What do I need?"  The answer is not always the same.  If I put myself in a room full of people when I am sensing the need to be alone, I will not thrive.  I may offend someone.  I won't be the best conversationalist and I may leave feeling more empty and alone than when I arrived.

Conversely, sometimes I need to be around a group of people.  I feel energized in the company of people whom I value.  There is an energy in the room that I pick up within myself.  It's a bonus when I can laugh with others. Laughter is a medicine which my soul craves.  Sometimes I need to be with people so that I am reminded that I am not alone.

I am so grateful for the many friends and loved ones in my life who share moments and memories with me.  I value our conversations and our pondering.  I treasure the times we have laughed together, yes, even when it is at my expense.  Life is rich because of you.

My Friend

Sometimes I hear God 

through the thoughts He plants in my mind

in response to my earnest prayers.

Sometimes I hear Him through your voice.

Sometimes it seems that I am laying in God's 

strong hand at night...

like my mattress is the cushions of His hand.

Sometimes I feel Him through your arms.

Sometimes I see God in the clouds on a sunny day,

or in a breathtaking view of mountains 

or an ocean that spans infinity.

Sometimes I see Him in your eyes.

Sometimes I feel understood by God

through reading His timeless Word

and sitting before Him in silence.

Sometimes I feel understood because you listen.

                                                  JKL 5-7-14

Easter

More Perilous Tales of Online Dating...

Warning:  PG13 Content

What does Friends' Ugly Naked Guy have to do with Online Dating?

Well...you decide.  Here is one of my latest "matches" from eHarmony:

I couldn't make this stuff up, friends.  Yes, I did call eHarmony and complain and they did remove this man's photo (not the match)...he is a real person and he does live in North Carolina.  And according to eHarmony, we are the perfect match.  Looks like he is active today as I write this but he no longer has a photo attached to his profile.

Nothing surprises me any longer.  For those of you who are married or otherwise occupied and have not found yourself in the throes of online matchmaking, consider yourselves very fortunate.  

Some of you say you'd never do it.  I understand that sentiment.  I tried it for almost 10 years (passively, most of the time), primarily on match.com.  I have many stories.  When I quit, I vowed to never do it again.  It was more frustrating than anything.

So how did I find myself here again?  I am an adventurer.  I am a romantic.  I do believe in love.  I don't know of a better way to meet someone who may not currently be in my demographic but may be perfect for me.  In my daily life, I do not normally meet available Christian men in my age range.  (Yes, I am only interested in Christian men).

This is not for the faint of heart.  It is not for the insecure.  It is not for the gullible or undiscerning. Honestly, I have been protected from near disaster many-a-time.

Just a few days ago, another near-miss was revealed to me.  I was working on Turbo Tax trying to finish by the April 15th deadline (yes, even CPA's procrastinate!), and I looked at the local news for a temporary distraction.  One of the headlines was about a man who was a local coach, now banned for life due to sexual misconduct with a minor.  The name sounded familiar.  I was talking with a coach by the same name in November.  We had met on Christian Mingle.  He wanted to have coffee.  I felt a check about it. Not sure why, but I decided to say no.  

I had to do some digging to find a picture of this banned coach.  I found one from last October, just after his arrest.  It was him...my Christian Mingle match!  I am so thankful that we did not meet.    

You may have read my post called Historical (Hysterical?) Dating Disasters.  I describe some of the matches from the past that convinced me that I would never try this platform again.  

Most recently, I did 3 months on Christian Mingle and 4 months on eHarmony. This time around, I am very clear about who I am and what I desire in a partner.  Frankly, I haven't "met" many men, as even among "Christian" men, very few are interested in dating without sex.  That is a boundary I have set.  I want it all...I just want it in God's order.

So in addition to "naked shaving man," I have met "angry controlling man," "severely emotionally wounded man," and "painfully neurotic man."

Okay, maybe I am quick to judge.  God forgive me.  But shouldn't I be selective about this sort of thing?  

I have been criticized in the past by well-meaning friends about being "too hard on men."  As in most criticism, there is an element of truth in it.  As I have learned to receive grace and give it to myself and others, I have stopped looking for perfection.  I don't expect anyone to be perfect any longer.  But I am looking for one who is perfect-for-me.

I have learned to listen to that "still small voice," to that "inner check," and to trust my gut.  One very recent encounter reminded me that the "check" in my spirit is a form of self-protection.

There was a man very eager to chat with me on eHarmony.  Something he said seemed a little "off" but as the words of my friends echoed in my head (the "you are too hard on men" words), I chose to continue communicating against my better judgment. 

We talked on the phone one night.  Again, I felt a check but I couldn't even put words on it all.  He texted me and asked for a date.  I politely said, "No, thank you."  Then his true colors started to shine.  He was livid.  How could I turn him down?  He texted me 6 times in a row, he sent me 4 messages on eHarmony, he tried to leave a message on this blog and he friended me on Facebook...all within a few hours.  

The content of his messages vacillated between self-defense ("I'm a good man!") to abrasive ("You are un-Christ-like!" and "No wonder why you are single!")

I blocked him, did not accept his friend request, and did not post his message here on the blog.  Thank goodness for administrative rights.  

If a man is that defensive and that angry when we don't even have a relationship, what would be in store for the object of his affection?

Once again, I thank God for discernment and for His protection.  It is needed when venturing online.  It is needed daily even when not online.  But you know what I mean...

I also posted a Blog recently about the shortage of Christian men who adhere to Biblical guidelines for living and sexuality.  It is called Will the Real Christian Men Please Stand Up?  It seems to be a cultural phenomenon, although not just among men, to be fair.  I recently read an article online that aptly described it as "sexual atheism."  I think that is the perfect term for it.  

Here is the article from Christian Post.com

This is an excerpt from the conclusion of the article written by Kenny Luck (Kenny says it better than I ever could):

To say that professing or self-described Christians are becoming more liberal means that their reference point for assessing and practicing sexuality is more cultural and personal rather than biblical or spiritual. It means that they possess a low view of God and Scripture and a high view of self and culture as the key drivers of their moral and sexual behavior.

Practical sexual atheism among Christians says God can speak into some things but not sex. This ultimate expression of self-deception and loss of mind goes all the way back to the garden, when a certain character asked Adam and Eve: "Did God really say that?" They took the bait and, apparently, so are the majority of single Christians in the garden of love, sex and dating. They are listening to the voice that says, "Eat and have your eyes opened." Like the first couple, God's single men and women are letting fear win over faith and curiosity win over Christ with inevitable and untold prices to pay.

But it is not a time to act high and mighty. It is time to act graciously but truthfully with our single brothers and sisters. For they, along with us, will have that moment in front of the living Christ, and we want that moment to be the best it can possibly be. To realize such an epic and eternal moment, we not only have to pray for them, but we also have to equip them practically with the best possible teachings and tools that serve to restore a vision of God that transforms them in their context.

We have to engage the culture, not run.

Abstinence is not an easy path.  But before marriage, it is the BEST path.  I would even go so far to say that it is a form of worship.  It is saying, with body, mind and spirit, "Not my will, but Thine be done."

For those of you who are reading my perilous stories, please don't throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water.  I am on eHarmony.  Perhaps there are other women like me on there.  I do not know; I don't get to peruse the women.  I only see the men who are deemed a "match" for me.

In addition to the aforementioned men here-in, there is one right now who shares my values.  He is fast becoming a lovely friend.  He is a friend-with-potential.  I told my niece that I will call him "Mr. FOP" (friend-of-potential).  

He has given me permission to mention him without using his name.  (Thank you, Mr. FOP!)  He is an honorable man who is quite traditional and he loves God with his whole heart.  I think we have great potential of being friends for a lifetime, even if nothing more.  Although, there is potential for more as well.  Only time will tell...

Online dating is perilous.  So is life.  My caution to friends online is the same that I would give to friends who meet potential partners at church, at work or at the grocery...be prayerful, be discerning, and trust your gut.  And try not to let cynicism grow...yes, there are many bad apples.  But we are not in search of a whole orchard; only one.  :) 

Today...

Miracle for Jen

I am still trying to wrap my head around all that I experienced this past weekend at the Knowing God Ministries conference in Apex, North Carolina.  The weekend was entitled, Making a Difference in my Corner of the World.  

I attended the conference by invitation of a friend who is also an alum of Grove City College (in Pennsylvania.)  Fuller, whose name at GCC was Karen Fuller, was only an acquaintance when we were in school.  We reconnected last year at an alumni event in Cary, NC and have become heart-to-heart friends.  Our faith especially connects us as our life experiences have been very different.  We share a heart for God and currently, the experience of being single gals.

Fuller and me at KGM Conference February 28, 2014

Fuller is on the ministry team at Knowing God Ministries (KGM).  She is gifted in speaking, writing, photography, and I'm sure in a multitude of other ways. I am so glad that I responded to her encouragement to attend this event.  

The main speakers at the conference were Linda and Jen Barrick.  Here is a picture of KGM founder, Tara Furman with Jen and Linda:

Tara Furrman, Jen and Linda Barrick (photo taken by Fuller Harvey)

Where do I begin?  Certainly, the highlight of the conference was hearing Jen's story and witnessing her joy and her relationship with the Lord.  Also, Linda is a gifted speaker and teacher in her own right.  She leads a Bible study in Lynchburg, VA that has grown to include over 600 women weekly.  Her sweet spirit and her openness was refreshing and touching.  I was encouraged by both the simple and the profound reminder that God is near and He wants to be my deepest friend.  

Take a look at this video to get a taste of what we heard this weekend:

What we heard is even more profound if you know the Barricks' story.  They were hit by a drunk driver in 2006, when Jen was 15 (she is now 22) on their way home from church.  Jenn was not expected to live through the night.  She was in a coma for nearly 6 weeks.  When she started to come out of the coma, instead of swearing (as her parents were warned that most people do), Jen prayed, praised God, and spoke the words to praise songs.  

Click Here to watch the short version of her story on You Tube  

Needless to say, I was honored to get to meet these beautiful women and to hear their story.  I was challenged to get back to the basics of my faith...God desires a love relationship with me.  That really is the point of the cross, the reason why Jesus came, the reason he had to die.  My sin does not have to keep me from a Holy God because of His great love for me.  The same is true for you.

In addition to three teaching sessions with Linda and Jen (which were all fantastic), we had the opportunity to participate in three breakout sessions with other dynamic women of faith.  I was blessed and challenged by these sessions as well.

Check out the adorable decorations (I love the "vase" and tulips):

Photo taken by Fuller Harvey for KGM Ministries

Such a fun weekend and impactful on so many levels.  I am so glad that my friend, Fuller, encouraged me to attend.  

If you are interested in reading Jen's story, she has a book called "Miracle for Jen" available at Amazon.  The Barrick family also have a website called Hope Out Loud.  

Finally, I was blessed to watch a two-part series produced by Joni and Friends:

PART 1

PART 2

These videos are free to watch.  If you have some time, they are well worth it.  

Jen signs her books with her favorite Bible Verse:  

However, as it is written, "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived--the things God has prepared for those who love Him."  I Cor 2:9