Do You Feel Empty?

There was a time in my life when I felt so empty.  And I felt guilty about feeling empty.  I am a Christian.  I am not supposed to feel that way, am I?  If I believe the God of the Universe loves me and I believe all the wonderful promises found in scripture, how could I feel so empty?

I am convinced it is because I had a warped view of life.  I believed some well meaning lies and took them to the extreme...that others should always come first.  I took it to the extreme...that others mattered more...that I must always defer to them...to their comfort...to not offend...to please...to bless...to have no regard for myself.

From time to time, the extreme became self-hatred.  Shame and despising who I am.  Well, there's a recipe for a happy life...why would I feel empty?  (this is sarcasm, in case you don't know)

Now I know the truth...I will have nothing to give to you unless I am full.  When I am full, I overflow.  I think of a pitcher of water at the sink, water pouring in and then flowing over the top of the brim.  

In the group I attend weekly at the Harris Y, we talk about lifestyle change and self-care.  More than once, we have reminded each other of this:  when you are on an airplane and the instructions are being given for the oxygen mask, the flight attendant always says, "Make sure you administer to the oxygen to yourself before you attend to small children or others needing assistance."  Why is that?  If I am empty of oxygen, I'll pass out and be good for nothing.  How can I help those needing assistance if I pass out from lack of oxygen?

Here's my favorite quote from Melodie Beattie's classic book, Codependent No More, "I saw people who felt responsible for the entire world, but they refused to take responsibility for leading and living their own lives."  

I am not responsible for the world.  I am responsible for me.  To some of you, this may be elementary.  For me, it has been life changing.  As I trust God to take care of the world and figure out how to take care of myself, I have become much better at overflowing.  The end result is that I am caring more for others around me.  I am relaxed and more fun to be around.  I am at peace.  I am full.

What does this look like practically?  For me, it means making time in my day to pray and acknowledge my need for God and His presence in my life.  It means reading the Bible or a devotional each day to remind myself of truth.  It means I learn to recognize my emotions are indicators of needs in my life and I find healthy ways to meet those needs.  If I am lonely, I plan time with a friend.  If I am tired, I get more sleep.  If I am hungry, I feed myself food that will offer nutrition to my body (most of the time!).  

It also means I begin to do things I don't necessarily "feel" like doing because I know that I will benefit in the end.  As a single woman, I need a sense of community.  I need a sense of family.  I must get outside of my home to develop that community.  My favorite place to do this is church.  In every church I have attended, I have made it a point to join a life group or Bible study.  It is important to continue to cultivate relationships...to receive from others and to "overflow" in to their lives.

We were never meant to be alone.  And no one person can satisfy all of our needs.  I am convinced that I need a variety of people in my life to be whole and healthy.  Good friends challenge me to become more than I am today. Hopefully, I challenge them right back.

It has been a long while since I felt empty.  It has been a long while (well over a year, maybe two) since I was physically sick.  I am convinced that this is because I make sleep a priority.  It is not that I haven't had stress in my life.  When I do go through periods of stress, I focus more on my body and spirit.  I go to work, I sleep more, I eat healthy, and I pray.  I only do more if I feel up to it.  As the stress passes, I can bring back more activity in to my life.  This has worked well for me.

Today, I am grateful for a full heart and peace.  I am full of hope, full of joy, and full of anticipation at what lies ahead.  More changes are in store, of this I am sure.  I feel that I have a toolbox full of wisdom and practical ideas from which to draw upon...no need for fear.  No need for confusion.  I go to the Source, I get full, I learn to care for myself...and hopefully...I will overflow to others.  It is my desire to be an encouragement to others.  And ultimately, to please my Lord and Savior.  All I really have to do, is continue to become who He created me to be: A woman who is full and overflowing...

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30