Historical (Hysterical?) Dating Disasters

Okay, so I think after my last post, a little levity is needed.  I am not always so deeply contemplative.  Ask some of my friends and family---I can be very funny, quirky, and you-fill-in-the-blank...

I am going to share some gems from my dating history.  Haters, please move on. I am declaring this page a no-judge zone!  If you are honest, we have all been there.  If you haven't, consider yourself very, very blessed!

My first foray into match-making (pre-Internet dating) was with a company in the 1990's called Together Dating Service.  Back before the Internet (yes, I was alive before the Internet), one would go to a building and sign up for a match-making service.  It was VERY expensive.  

Holidays always made me sad and wishing for a significant other. This one particular year, it was the 4th of July that did me in.  My friend, Carol, always laughs about that one.  For some it's Christmas or Valentine's Day.  For me, it was the 4th of July.  (I said I can be quirky).  Maybe it was the fireworks I was longing for...

So there I was, post-July 4th, signing on the dotted line, hoping that God would use the "professional" matchmakers to find me the love of my life.  I negotiated a $2,500 fee down to $1,225.  Feeling quite pleased with my negotiating skills, I went home to wait for my first match, which was to arrive at my home in the mail. Yes...SNAIL MAIL.  No joke.

Within a week, the envelope showed up in my mailbox.  I ripped it open with eager anticipation...only to find I had been matched with a man in my Sunday school class at church!  I paid over $1200 to meet a man I already knew!  

Suffice it to say, he was not my dream man.  Nor were any of the other men that the service found for me.  I chalked it up to a learning experience and vowed to never spend that kind of money on such a venture again.

Fast-forward to 2001...enter Match.com and Ovarian Cancer.  I had lost every hair on my body.  I went to a class at the hospital where I learned to draw on eyebrows and glue on false eyelashes.  I felt quite sassy in my blond "Marilyn Monroe" wig, which gave me extra confidence.  While I was out of work on short-term disability going through chemotherapy, I decided to find myself some lunch dates.

One of my first dates was at one of my favorite Charlotte restaurants, Trio.  The man was quite good-looking and seemed classy.  As I walked up to the table to shake his hand, I felt something tickling the side of my face.  I excused myself to go to the restroom.  There, I found that one set of false eyelashes was dangling down the side of my face!  Oops!  I ripped off the other set and went back to the table eyelashless.  That was the only date I had with Mr. Classy.

I called this my "Marilyn" wig...

I had many interested parties when I was on Match.com.  Although I talked about my faith, I found most men did not read what I said. They only looked at my picture and contacted me based on the physical only.  

The Christian men were few and far between.  One email I received from a sweet Christian man was so entertaining, I kept it:

Howdy ma'am!  I was browsing the member directories, and came across your profile/info. It definitely caught my attention, wow!  And though I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, I just had to write you! No way was I going to pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity. I didn't know there were woman like you around/unmarried, you appear too good to be true!! (For real!).  I would tell you something, but I'm afraid you'd think it was a line or something...well, that sells you short, don't it? Honestly, I cried when I read your profile, thinking what a great lady you must be and how blessed your future husband will be to earn and win your heart. As to the chances of that being me, hey..., folk say anything is possible (maybe not probable, but still in realm of possible, amen? LOL). You seem to be a sharp gal, and I bet you even part your hair just right to cover it up too, don't you?

Not so long ago I was injured on my "secular" job (in '96), and now am on total Soc. Sec. disability/can't work a regular job (I also walk with cane and use electric wheelchair when needed, and have gained lots of weight due to lack of exercise...heNCe, I make BIG impressions on all. he he!)...Though unable to work, I am fully fuNCtional in all other ways and abilities. One thing for sure, I'm a well-rounded fellow and all can tell I'm a guy on the level 'cause my bubble's in the middle! ;-}

Now, I don't know if I'm the type/kind of guy you're looking for or not, but I sent you some info about me to peruse at your convenience...one good thing for you no matter what...you can at least use my pic at your house...I hear that it's real good for roach and rodent killing.l be...In His grip and headed for home...

Lest you think that I broke his heart, I did send back a gracious email thanking him for his interest and wishing him God's Blessings.

In addition to almost 10 years on Match.com, I also had a stint on eharmony and several rounds of speed dating.  Speed Dating was set up at a local club where you had 8-8 minute dates with a series of men.  Afterwards, you had opportunity to check a yes or a no on each one.  If both of you checked yes, then the organizers would contact you and give you each other's phone numbers.  

I did meet one very nice man through speed dating who happened to be very close friends with my Oncologist.  His wife had recently passed away from cancer. He wore his wedding ring around his neck. Needless to say, the timing was not right for that one...

My final 3 dates on Match.com and eharmony occurred in the fall of 2009. Subsequently, I swore off Internet dating "for good."  Here's a brief synopsis:

1.  Man A was a tennis player and a never-been-married Christian. We had 3 dates, one was playing tennis, which was very fun.  On the 3rd date, he wanted to cook dinner for me at my home.  I had been clear about my boundaries regarding premarital sex (i.e., no premarital sex).  After dinner, he stood in my living room and told me, "You don't understand!  I have to have sex!  I get the shakes and I can't concentrate at work."  When he hugged me goodbye, he didn't let go.  I think he honestly felt that my sex-starved self would melt in his arms.  I did not. Thankfully, he did leave and I have only seen him once since then--on an adjacent tennis court.

2.  Man B was a wealthy divorced Christian who asked to meet at his wine bar, where they store his wine and champagne.  We had interesting conversation and I enjoyed a glass of champagne. He drank the rest of the two bottles.  Afterwards, he backed me up to my car and tried to kiss me.  I was able to get away and I chose not see him again. I called a friend at the several-thousand-member church he attends here in Charlotte.  This friend knew him--what are the chances?  No coincidence--God watches out for his children...I found out that he is known for having some kind of addiction problem.  A mutual friend has driven him home from church when he has been under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  

3.  Man C was a Christian man from a nearby town.  We met for coffee on our first date.  I liked him and I sensed that he really did know the Lord.  So I allowed him to pick me up for our second date, which was to PF Changs restaurant.  On the way home, we were pulled over by the police.  He had no drivers license.  He had lost his license due to excessive speeding.  The policeman required me to get in the drivers seat and drive us back to my house. Thankfully, this man had no qualms about getting back in to his car and driving himself home, even though he had no license.  

I was trying to be open.  I was willing to see man C again.  He stood me up.  God watches out for his children.

If you are Internet dating and you want to share a funny or poignant story, please feel free to leave a comment here.  

I vowed after the fall of 2009 to never do Match or eHarmony again.

So, why did I sign up for 3 months of Christian Mingle in October? I'm still waiting to figure that out...

Update January 2014:  I met one very nice Christian man on Christian Mingle. He was not "the one," but I am glad that we met.  My membership is running out and I will not renew.  There are very few men in my age range on the site.  I would not recommend it.  I did decide to try 3 months on eharmony.  I really like the updates they have made since several years ago.  I'll be sure to let you know how it goes...

see this link to a great blog from danalyne with internet dating tips

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21