Thursday, November 28, 2013

Lust and a Foot Washing

Preparing for a Foot Washing...Wedding of Greg & Allison Miller

A single woman who longs to find love often has little crushes on men in her life.  It is easy to form an attraction to men at work, especially when one works closely with men and develops a camaraderie.  In America, often times we spend more time with our workmates than with our families.  Forty to sixty working hours…that is a lot of time.  It is easy to see how affairs can happen.  It starts innocently enough…shared laughter, a glance, a compliment to a hungry heart.  I am so very grateful that I have not fallen into this trap…but I have not been immune to temptation.

Many years ago, one such temptation almost took me down.  It was lust, for sure, and my hungry heart was oh so weak.  The pull was magnetic.  Looking back now, it seems illogical.  I think that there was something demonic involved.  The Bible is clear that as Christians, we do face supernatural forces working against us.  It is crucial for us to be on guard.  I shudder to think of all that I would have lost if I had fallen.  Many others’ lives would have been impacted as well.

If you are reading this and you are struggling, I understand.  God understands.  You must run for your life!  Run away as if your life depends on it.  You will not regret running.  You will regret an affair.  It can never be blessed by God.  And it will trip you up and set you off course for a season…maybe for the rest of your life.

I was in a small women’s Bible study at the time with three other close friends.  This was critical for my spiritual growth and sense of family.  I entrusted them with my struggle and enlisted their prayers.  I know to-this-day that I was spared, in part, because of their prayers for me. 

One particular week, I was obsessed with the thought of this person.  I felt so frustrated with my thought-life and I was full of shame.  I knew that I had sinned with my thoughts, even though I had never acted on my desires.  At the end of that week, on a Friday evening, I went to a home fellowship meeting.  This was a group of about 10-15 people from my church who met once or twice a month for prayer and bible study.  I was not feeling very spiritual at the time and I had forced myself to go to the group.

It was an evening of prayer and ministry to each other.   The majority of the evening, I was present in body only.  I kept quiet.  These friends did not know about my struggles.   I remember being amazed as I witnessed God working that night.   A decision was made to put a chair in the center of the room and anyone who wanted ministry and prayer was invited to sit in the chair.  At one point, while a woman was sitting in the chair, another woman was praying for her and shared a vision of an envelope burning.  She asked the woman in the chair if her vision had any significance for her.  The woman in the chair began to weep.  Many years before, she had a miscarriage.  She had been so sorrowful and so angry at God, that she could not even bring herself to read the cards and letters she had received after the miscarriage.  The envelopes remained unopened, in a box in her home.  I watched as this woman was prayed over and loved, and she began to work through the pain she had carried for years.  It was a beautiful and hopeful moment.  How much God loved her; to speak to her this way through a sister-in-Christ.

I longed to get in the chair, but I was so full of shame and I felt unworthy.  I couldn’t bring myself to go there.  I sat on the floor, near a wall, with my bare feet tucked under me and my eyes downward.  It was summer time and I had taken off my sandals.

The same woman who had the vision of the envelope burning spoke to me at one point.  She said, “Janice, I think you should get in the chair.”   I was relieved to be invited.  I sat down with my eyes closed.  I heard some movement and some whispering…I wasn’t sure what was happening.  I sat and I waited with my eyes closed.  Then I felt something at my feet and the woman whom God had been using that night said, “Janice, the Lord told me that we are supposed to wash your feet.” 


Basin & Pitcher used when Johns Ellington proposed to my dear friend, Cheryl, more than 13 years ago...and yes, he washed her feet...

They had prepared a basin for me.  It was full of water and some lovely soap that felt silky and soft.  I had never experienced this before.  As Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, so He washed mine through these dear friends.  As they washed my feet, I wept.  And they prayed.  They prayed so many sweet prayers for me.  They didn’t know about my sinful thoughts or my broken heart.  But God did.  And He washed me clean.

When I got home that night and got into bed, my feet were still tingling.  I felt such mercy and love from God.  I was not shamed.  I was forgiven.  And I moved on…after receiving such love and such forgiveness, I had no more desire for the sin that had tugged at my heart.  I wanted God more.

Greg & Allison Miller


Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4



Greg Serving his Bride...


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms... Ephesians 6:10-12


Listen to this classic from Leslie Phillips:




Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Toxic Faith… (Satan has a counterfeit for everything)


My heart hurts for a friend of mine.  She loves God with her whole heart.  Or, at least, she loves who she thinks God is.  This god of hers is very small.  He is made in her image.

This friend of mine, she is so full of self-hatred; she loves a god who shames her if she does anything she thinks is displeasing to him.  There are so many hoops that she believes she has to jump through in order to please this god of hers…she can never succeed.  So her god is angry with her…a lot.  She is disappointed with herself…a lot.  Her worldview is broken; her god-view is broken.  The end result is logical but very sad…she cannot love herself.  Her theology fits like a glove into her self-hatred.  She can never please this god of hers…and she can never please herself.

My heart hurts for this friend of mine.  She used to be me.


Artwork by David Loy

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  This is how God showed his love among us:  He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  1 John 4:7-10

There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  We love because he first loved us.  1 John 4:18-19

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?  Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22:36-39

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

You, my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.  The entire law is summed up in a single command:  Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Galatians 5:13-14


Sunday, November 24, 2013

Historical (Hysterical?) Dating Disasters

Okay, so I think after my last post, a little levity is needed.  I am not always so deeply contemplative.  Ask some of my friends and family---I can be very funny, quirky, and you-fill-in-the-blank...

I am going to share some gems from my dating history.  Haters, please move on. I am declaring this page a no-judge zone!  If you are honest, we have all been there.  If you haven't, consider yourself very, very blessed!

My first foray into match-making (pre-Internet dating) was with a company in the 1990's called Together Dating Service.  Back before the Internet (yes, I was alive before the Internet), one would go to a building and sign up for a match-making service.  It was VERY expensive.  

Holidays always made me sad and wishing for a significant other. This one particular year, it was the 4th of July that did me in.  My friend, Carol, always laughs about that one.  For some it's Christmas or Valentine's Day.  For me, it was the 4th of July.  (I said I can be quirky).  Maybe it was the fireworks I was longing for...

So there I was, post-July 4th, signing on the dotted line, hoping that God would use the "professional" matchmakers to find me the love of my life.  I negotiated a $2,500 fee down to $1,225.  Feeling quite pleased with my negotiating skills, I went home to wait for my first match, which was to arrive at my home in the mail. Yes...SNAIL MAIL.  No joke.

Within a week, the envelope showed up in my mailbox.  I ripped it open with eager anticipation...only to find I had been matched with a man in my Sunday school class at church!  I paid over $1200 to meet a man I already knew!  

Suffice it to say, he was not my dream man.  Nor were any of the other men that the service found for me.  I chalked it up to a learning experience and vowed to never spend that kind of money on such a venture again.

Fast-forward to 2001...enter Match.com and Ovarian Cancer.  I had lost every hair on my body.  I went to a class at the hospital where I learned to draw on eyebrows and glue on false eyelashes.  I felt quite sassy in my blond "Marilyn Monroe" wig, which gave me extra confidence.  While I was out of work on short-term disability going through chemotherapy, I decided to find myself some lunch dates.

One of my first dates was at one of my favorite Charlotte restaurants, Trio.  The man was quite good-looking and seemed classy.  As I walked up to the table to shake his hand, I felt something tickling the side of my face.  I excused myself to go to the restroom.  There, I found that one set of false eyelashes was dangling down the side of my face!  Oops!  I ripped off the other set and went back to the table eyelashless.  That was the only date I had with Mr. Classy.


I called this my "Marilyn" wig...


I had many interested parties when I was on Match.com.  Although I talked about my faith, I found most men did not read what I said. They only looked at my picture and contacted me based on the physical only.  

The Christian men were few and far between.  One email I received from a sweet Christian man was so entertaining, I kept it:

Howdy ma'am!  I was browsing the member directories, and came across your profile/info. It definitely caught my attention, wow!  And though I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, I just had to write you! No way was I going to pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity. I didn't know there were woman like you around/unmarried, you appear too good to be true!! (For real!).  I would tell you something, but I'm afraid you'd think it was a line or something...well, that sells you short, don't it? Honestly, I cried when I read your profile, thinking what a great lady you must be and how blessed your future husband will be to earn and win your heart. As to the chances of that being me, hey..., folk say anything is possible (maybe not probable, but still in realm of possible, amen? LOL). You seem to be a sharp gal, and I bet you even part your hair just right to cover it up too, don't you?


Not so long ago I was injured on my "secular" job (in '96), and now am on total Soc. Sec. disability/can't work a regular job (I also walk with cane and use electric wheelchair when needed, and have gained lots of weight due to lack of exercise...heNCe, I make BIG impressions on all. he he!)...Though unable to work, I am fully fuNCtional in all other ways and abilities. One thing for sure, I'm a well-rounded fellow and all can tell I'm a guy on the level 'cause my bubble's in the middle! ;-}

Now, I don't know if I'm the type/kind of guy you're looking for or not, but I sent you some info about me to peruse at your convenience...one good thing for you no matter what...you can at least use my pic at your house...I hear that it's real good for roach and rodent killing.l be...In His grip and headed for home...

Lest you think that I broke his heart, I did send back a gracious email thanking him for his interest and wishing him God's Blessings.

In addition to almost 10 years on Match.com, I also had a stint on eharmony and several rounds of speed dating.  Speed Dating was set up at a local club where you had 8-8 minute dates with a series of men.  Afterwards, you had opportunity to check a yes or a no on each one.  If both of you checked yes, then the organizers would contact you and give you each other's phone numbers.  

I did meet one very nice man through speed dating who happened to be very close friends with my Oncologist.  His wife had recently passed away from cancer. He wore his wedding ring around his neck. Needless to say, the timing was not right for that one...

My final 3 dates on Match.com and eharmony occurred in the fall of 2009. Subsequently, I swore off Internet dating "for good."  Here's a brief synopsis:

1.  Man A was a tennis player and a never-been-married Christian. We had 3 dates, one was playing tennis, which was very fun.  On the 3rd date, he wanted to cook dinner for me at my home.  I had been clear about my boundaries regarding premarital sex (i.e., no premarital sex).  After dinner, he stood in my living room and told me, "You don't understand!  I have to have sex!  I get the shakes and I can't concentrate at work."  When he hugged me goodbye, he didn't let go.  I think he honestly felt that my sex-starved self would melt in his arms.  I did not. Thankfully, he did leave and I have only seen him once since then--on an adjacent tennis court.

2.  Man B was a wealthy divorced Christian who asked to meet at his wine bar, where they store his wine and champagne.  We had interesting conversation and I enjoyed a glass of champagne. He drank the rest of the two bottles.  Afterwards, he backed me up to my car and tried to kiss me.  I was able to get away and I chose not see him again. I called a friend at the several-thousand-member church he attends here in Charlotte.  This friend knew him--what are the chances?  No coincidence--God watches out for his children...I found out that he is known for having some kind of addiction problem.  A mutual friend has driven him home from church when he has been under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  

3.  Man C was a Christian man from a nearby town.  We met for coffee on our first date.  I liked him and I sensed that he really did know the Lord.  So I allowed him to pick me up for our second date, which was to PF Changs restaurant.  On the way home, we were pulled over by the police.  He had no drivers license.  He had lost his license due to excessive speeding.  The policeman required me to get in the drivers seat and drive us back to my house. Thankfully, this man had no qualms about getting back in to his car and driving himself home, even though he had no license.  

I was trying to be open.  I was willing to see man C again.  He stood me up.  God watches out for his children.

If you are Internet dating and you want to share a funny or poignant story, please feel free to leave a comment here.  

I vowed after the fall of 2009 to never do Match or eHarmony again.

So, why did I sign up for 3 months of Christian Mingle in October? I'm still waiting to figure that out...

Update January 2014:  I met one very nice Christian man on Christian Mingle. He was not "the one," but I am glad that we met.  My membership is running out and I will not renew.  There are very few men in my age range on the site.  I would not recommend it.  I did decide to try 3 months on eharmony.  I really like the updates they have made since several years ago.  I'll be sure to let you know how it goes...

see this link to a great blog from danalyne with internet dating tips


Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 






Friday, November 22, 2013

Dating at 49: Pick Your Poison

That’s what I feel like dating is like…pick your poison.  We have all been broken at one time or another.  Especially at 49…life has a way of beating us up.  Some of us have fought back.  Some of us have wrestled with God until we yell, ‘Uncle!” and surrender.  But even then, even then, we can grow spiritually and never grow emotionally.  Some of us have the wounds of little girls and little boys in our hearts.  Terrible, gaping wounds left by our parents who had their own gaping wounds.  Pain begets pain. 




I have viewed the pain in my life as God’s consuming fire.  When I broke up with a man that I once thought I would marry, 20 years ago, I cried and prayed as we said goodbye, “Oh, the fire hurts...but I want to be beautiful...and I don't want Him to stop until He is finished with me."  And 5 days later, in the same journal, I wrote, “God--I thank you for your goodness, your protection, your consuming fire in my life.  Burn away the impurities and make me shine like gold."

That was  April, 1993.  My first Internet-introduced date recently, this time around, was at a Pancake House.  We clicked immediately in conversation and had talked several hours on the phone for about 5 days before we met.  He had told me that he had a prayer ministry and a gift from the Holy Spirit in knowing things about people.  I asked him during our meal if God had told him anything about me.  At first he said no, then he quickly changed it to “yes.”  He said:

"God has told me that you have a heart of gold.  Do you know how gold is refined through fire?  You have a heart of gold that has been refined as through fire."

When I heard those words, it pierced my spirit.  I knew that those words were from God.  I said immediately, "I have been through many fires."  It wasn’t until the morning of November 17th, over 3 weeks later, that I thought  to find my journal from 1993.  There on the page, I read the words, “…make me shine like gold.”

Coincidence?  No, I have learned over the years to hear the voice of God, and I know that I know that I know that God was showing me that He has heard my prayers.  He is a God of detail.

The fire?  Oh, the fire has been many things in my life.  The fire has been years of therapy to get over toxic shame, legalism and self-hatred, years of sexless, touch less singleness and loneliness, Ovarian Cancer and chemotherapy, losing my reproductive system and mourning the family I never had, Endometrial cancer, losing my parents within 8 months of each other, job losses, friendship losses, the deaths of two “bonus moms.”  And the fire will continue to burn.  It will continue until I am Heaven-bound.  It will burn until the day that I receive my new body and I see my Lord.  Then “I will be like Him, for I will see Him as He is.” 

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.  I John 3:2

This man with the gift of knowledge?  We are dating, but not exclusively.  I am mindful that he may have entered my life for no other reason than to give me a message from the Lord.  And I am seeing glimpses of why I may be in his life.  It may be for no other reason than to challenge him to grow in ways he has neglected.  I am direct like that.  God, help us!  

So the adventures continue…this dating game, this game of, “pick your poison.”  Nothing is ever simple in my life.  At this age, we are all wounded and battle-scarred.  The question is, what wounds can I live with?  And who will be able to love me "in spite of" the wounds in me...even if I do not change?



Addendum:  This post has really resonated with people in good and bad ways. More people have read this one post than any other I have written.  I have had some criticism from people who know me and love me.  The main criticism was a reminder that yes, I went through the fires and yes, at one time in my life I was broken and "stuck," but that is not who I am today.  Today, I am not stuck. God has revolutionized my life.  I am whole.  

I didn't mean to imply that I was permanently broken.  I do know that there is no perfection this side of Heaven and sometimes relationships bring up old wounds that need attention.  I want to encourage and empathize with those who do feel broken and stuck.  God will not leave you there.  What I have learned is that He always meets me more than halfway, but I do have to do my part.  My part has been seeking Him, entering into fellowship and accountability, seeking healing, and in some cases, doing the hard work that takes time and effort.

I am so thankful for all that God has done in my life.  Thank you for reading.






Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold
Refiner's fire

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within

BY:  Brian Doerksen



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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Angel Oak

Angel Oak Tree   Johns Island, SC

Dear Janice,
I loved your post and the verses from Isaiah. "Oaks of rightousness" is something that the Lord has been speaking to me about, especially this year...I think it is the fact that these trees are able to withstand hurricanes, hail, rain, and drought for many years. The limbs are bent but beautiful and often on the ground...but alive. I have been fascinated by the live oaks.

Love in the Lord Jesus Christ, Katherine

So, after I posted my last entry about my favorite Bible Passage (which was a Christian Mingle question, by the way), my dear friend Katherine Hearn sent me this email.  

The picture is one I found on the Internet.  The tree is near Charleston, SC.  I have been to Charleston many times but I have never visited this old tree.  I think it will be on my list of things to do next time.

This particular tree is estimated to be between 500 and 1500 years old!  

I said in my last post that I long to be that "...Oak of righteousness...A planting of the Lord for the day of His splendor."  

I had a Pastor once who called me an oak of righteousness.  I didn't take it too seriously at the time.  That's probably a good thing.  The reason he called me that was that often I would go to the altar for prayer and to soak in the Lord's presence.  I would stand, sometimes for hours, when people around me would fall under the weight of the Holy Spirit.  I know it sounds crazy to some, but when there is prayer and the Holy Spirit of God is present in a extraordinary way, people have trouble standing in His presence.  Some people call it "being slain in the Spirit."  Some of you are very skeptical of this.  I don't blame you.  Satan has a counterfeit for everything.  Sometimes people fall to the ground because they think it is expected of them.   Sort of a spiritual peer pressure.  I refuse to do so in that regard.  I will fall if God pushes me but not if man does.  So I stand.  And I stand.  And I wrestle in my heart for God's blessing like Jacob wrestled in Genesis Chapter 32.  I say in my heart, "I will not leave until you bless me, Lord."  And how He has blessed me...

Yes, I think I will visit this Angel Oak on my next visit to the Charleston Area.  I feel connected somehow to this grand tree.  This tree that has withstood "hurricanes, hail, rain and drought for many years."  This tree whose "limbs are bent but beautiful and often on the ground...but alive."  A kindred spirit, indeed.









"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."  Isaiah 61:2-3


Friday, November 8, 2013

My Favorite Bible Passage Is...


Isaiah Chapters 61 and 62

I love the beautiful language of Isaiah and the symbolism of the coming Messiah, Jesus. Love that He binds up the brokenhearted, frees captives, replaces mourning with joy, removes shame and disgrace, clothes me with garments of salvation, and delights in me!  Wow!

"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

"for the Lord will take delight in you..as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you..."

This is one of many things that so stirs my heart about God.  This is one of many things that my heart has a hard time believing, but I long to know this, really know it.  And some days, I do.

I have longed to be delighted in.  And I am.  By the God of the universe.  How sad that many days, I live as though He isn't even here.  I let myself get distracted so easily.

Have you ever really pondered the idea that God delights in you?  He wants your heart.  All of it.

I want to be so aware and full of His presence, that I become "a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."

I want the world to see Him in me.  It will always be an imperfect reflection.  I fail miserably, at times, to let Him shine through me.  

It's not about performance.  It's not about "getting it right."  It's more about yielding and trusting and letting Him shine.  It's about opening my heart to the idea that He delights in me.  And loving Him back...

Thursday, November 7, 2013

I Did What I Said I'd Never Do Again....

Fun, Passionate, Analytical and Expressive...not afraid to laugh at myself but not self-deprecating.  Love to travel, write, reflect, enjoy meals with friends, laugh as much as possible, and dream big.  I enjoy a balance of time alone and time with dear friends.  I'm an inspirational Blogger..I think I have a book or two in me.  Growing in Grace...recovering legalist. Emotional Health is very important to me...Low Drama!

Young at heart...most people say I seem younger than my years.  I am a sincere follower of Jesus and long to know Him better.  That means I take scripture seriously...if you are looking for a hook-up, I am not your woman.  Premarital sex if off the table.  I am practicing faithfulness...first to God, second to myself, and third to my husband, whom I have not met. Could he be you?


Okay...so here it is.  My profile on Christian Mingle.  I said I'd never, ever do Internet dating again.  I did a total of 10 years on Match.com and E-Harmony combined.  I have many, many funny stories.  Some sad.  But it ended up being a lot of work for no long-term reward.  

I mentioned in my last post that I have been feeling ready again.  One night I got curious and decided to peruse the guys on Christian Mingle.  I filled out a profile. I decided to be 100% upfront about who I am and what I want.  No holds barred. This time, I am what I am...it is what it is.  No apologies.  I am not ordinary, not average.  I am unique.  Wonder what will happen....stay tuned...